3 Mistakes Women Make When Men Cheat
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Cheaters Cheat... end of story.
When your man cheats, it feels like your entire universe crumbles around you. Most women dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend start thinking of ways to fix the situation. We wonder what we've done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.
STOP!
Cheaters cheat. That's it. Cheating is not about boredome or dissatisfaction. Cheating is the result of a characterological flaw that allows men or women to rationalize cheating and breaking vows. Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles. Rather, they are unhealthy reactions to the trials and tribulations common to most relationships from time to time.
Don't torture or embarrass yourself making the same mistakes millions of women make when they know their man is cheating. Save your self-respect, dignity, and time by cutting your losses and freeing yourself for a better relationship with a more functional man.
Mistake #1 -- The Investigation
When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact finding mission. Spying, calling around, interrigating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is seriously broken.
You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.
Mistake #2 -- Blaming the Other Woman
Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you, who promised to to be true to you, and then cheated on you. Even more importantly, if it wasn't her it would be someone else.
People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.
Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogomy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.
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Mistake #3 -- Changing to Keep Him
First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat... and cheat... and cheat.
Second, you didn't drive him to cheat. If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.
Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.
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men or women who cheated on their significant other are cowards. They don't have the ability to look their partner in the eye and tell them they are not happy w/the situation and like for certain things to change for the benefits of everyone. But then again "Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.' Boy, that's an original statement.
Good hub and these tips are so true. Women need to trsut their instincts and not change for any man
Good work on this hub.. I appreciate you about these type of information..
My boyfriend has come home from goning out for a short errand and came home and showered, what do you think?
I am in a relationship that i truly hate, i told him to leave, and I caught him several time cheating on me. No I don't blame myself, I blame in I feel that he acts like a little kid that will never grow up. I told him to leave several times, I am a law enforcement officer so i cant call the cops because of my job. The is no hitting involved, he claims that he loves me but i been with me before n i know what loves feel like n it don't feel like this. I love him but i know that I want and need to move on. Eventually I know that he will leave but i rather he leaves now, because I feel that he will never change. Also dealing with his kids mother is another drag. Signed in a box with no sunlight in sight
hey
thats a nice piece of pshycology
eyeopener it is
great
Thank you for this post-I intend on printing it out for quick reference to reinforce your points every time I find myself blaming myself. I wish I been able to read it 10 years ago when I first found about one affair. In the end I have come to know that my husband had 23 known affairs in 27 1/2 years of marriage. A prime example of your belief that "cheaters cheat" I only wish that the cheaters could realize the long term and permanent damage they do to spouses, children and extended family. Thanks again for your wisdom.
This is such a great slap in the face. I just found out my husband has been cheating on me for months or maybe years! The worst is that we just recently got married (3 months ago). So, it KILLS me to think that I was planning a wedding while he was doing his thing. I feel grossed out and disgusted. And I've spent days trying to find out of everything he did, which is too hurtful. I'm not going to waste any more time. You're so right, why try to figure out something that is already known? I do feel crazy. THANK YOU!!!!
I am at point a. Doing the snooping, checking email. I am starting to move past it. But it hurts so bad. Especially when he says that I am acting crazy and thats what is driving him away. Praying for the strenght and backbone to move on.
thank you for this post. It's so true.
Mine cheated on me for no other reason then he is a cheat, he was in the relationship on and off, she was a long time booty call and I found out about it two months into the relationship. I decided to stay with him, he promised, swore up and down he would end the relationship that I was more important and six weeks later he is still involved with her. It is apparent he did not value our relationship. One thing is for certain I know it had nothing to do with me. I decided to end it I deserve better. This article helped me to see things for what they are. Once a cheat always a cheat.....
My boyfriend had cheated on me. He told me that he was ill.I got off work at midnite and came to see at his house with a hot soup.I wanted to surprise him so I didn't want to text or call a head of time. When I arrived,I saw his car and the other car both parked at his house. Tv is on. I knocked, texted and called a million times. No response at all. I called him and heard his ring tone was in the house. He never open the door for me because there was another woman at the house with him. I stood in the cold and rain with a bowl of soup in hands. I didn't come to visit suddenly I wouldn't he is cheating on me.... I cried and cried because he broke my heart but that's, I never want to see him. He hurted so much but I got to move forward and never look back. Once he is a cheater, he will always be a cheater no matter what.
I was in a relationship with a man for 20 months. I fell deeply in love with him. So one day during one of our conversation I asked him if he was seeing anyone. I had this internal suspicion that he was so I asked. His reply was I have always been seeing other women. Meaning the whole 20 months we have been together. At that point I packed up my belongings and left him standing.
You have many great points, a cheater is just that, a cheater!
I'm in a situation... a guy i dated briefly a year ago.. i am still in love with him.. He still calls to chat now and then, all good, now he has a new girlfriend, and he's been emailing me the past few weeks saying he wants to see me. He has a terrible history of cheating on all his previous partners.. Why do they do it???
my man cheat on my when i was prgnant n i found out n i was 8 month pregnant i figh the gurl he was fuck n know am with him n is like the love i had for him is not there nomore n know he tell me he love me n all the good thing a gurl wait 2 hear that now i feel like cheating on him . ........... what should i do
I cheated in a past relationship and have never cheated since. And now I'm in a relationship with a man that constantly cheats. How am I suppose to say that once a cheater always a cheater if I did it and choose not to ever do it again. I don't wanna make excuses for him or any other cheater bc it is wrong! But if I know I can stop than what's to say he won't stop?
i found out my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy that had a girlfriend, i never thought that it would happen to me, and i feel like crap. i just wanna get away where no one can contact me.
Yeah..you're so right..I just found pictures of multiple naked women in my boyfriends phone..and he was the one taking the pictures...I'm disgusted with him...I always had a feeling that he was doing some thing..but NEVER with so many women..I don't know how to feel anymore..I'm just hurt..
Hey, I love this hub! I even shared it on FB. =) Sure thing, cheaters cheat because it's their nature. lol! Thanks for sharing!
This is fantastic, when i found out the man i had been in a 3 year relationship with was cheating quite by chance, and had been cheating for over 14 months of the relationship, i was devastated. Like you said, i wondered what was wrong with ME. We had so much in common, we liked the same interests, hobbies, food, music etc, and we had a fantastic sexual relationship which he swore was the best ever! Then, he spoilt it all because no matter what he said afterwards about his affair, i had given this man everything, i loved him, still do, and he said he loved me. But how can you really love someone and go behind their back and have a full blown affair - not a one nighter, or a quick fling, have a long time affair with all that entails. The deceit, the deviousness, the lies etc. I am still tortured by what they may have done together and although i would NEVER take him back again it hurts. The OW did not know i existed she was shocked, nor did i know of her. He says she is not with him anymore, i hope this is true because i take the view that she did not know about myself she thought he and her were exclusive, however how does she learn to trust this man again, he will continue to cheat but probably be a bit more careful next time. I am slowly getting over everything and hopefully will one day learn to trust someone who deserves me.
Why are we SO quick to think it's OUR problem???
My boyfriend cheated on me for more than a year. one time I went to the state for vacation and his ex emailed me that said she wanted to talk to me and ask me personal questions. I replied to her how it was important for her to tell her my personal life. finally she convened me and I decided to tell her everything and she was more shocked than me. She thought she was the only one the guy loves. But things were different from what she thought,,,,, she said "help me help me call him and let him talk,put me in 3 lines and let me hear when he actually talking to another woman". I did what she asked and she heard when the same guy said to me that I was the only person he loves. It was such a hurtful experience for both of us.... don't want to remember it back at all!!!!! I am still with that guy because he was going crazy, he was bothering my family and friends to help him to get me and every body asked me to give him a second chance so I did. But regardless how nice he is trying to be, I can't be happy. I know the relation ship is not going no where but I am still with him till my heart really feels the relationship should over.
I was with my bf for 3 years and he cheated the entire relationship. I found out about one girl and we haven't been the same since. Just a couple days ago I found out he is still cheating. I broke up with him and I've felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I dealt with the pain of infidelity for so long that my life revolved around his life. I wanted to know everything he was doing at all times. However, he still found time to cheat. I truly feel in my heart that all man will always cheat. No matter age or race. This thought scares me. I thought I wasn’t strong enough to leave him and that he would change one day. FACT he is still the same person. Once a cheater always a cheater. I went through the phase when I blamed myself for it. In my years of life I always had high self-esteem. Once I found out he cheated on me I began to hate myself and the ppl around me made it worse. Everyone judge me for staying with him. I was addicted to drugs and drinking just to drown out the pain. I’ve been through so much to just try to cope with the pain. He was like a best friend he witnessed me going through all the trails from his infidelity and he still cheated. There is nothing we can do to prevent it from happening. I would go all out for sex and I would feel guilty. Thinking I wasn’t good enough. Or if I was tired and I let him do all the work I would feel like I wasn’t good enough. Ladies every one of us is worth it. Worth all the love and fidelity a man has to offer. But when you’re in love you believe what you want to believe. I figured that I was unhappy and in pain on the daily basis. So why not leave the cheater and pain alone. I finally got myself back. Being cheated on is like getting shot in the head bc it seems to kill who you are and stays in your mind forever. There was nothing I could do to erase what he has done. It is a part of my past and I'm happy it is. I still love him and I miss him so much. LADIES you can leave. You can walk away and feel empowered. It isn’t easy but staying isn’t easy either. No pain will last forever. Staying busy is key. I never thought I would have the strength to leave him but I’m here and I’m moving forward with my life and trying to leave him in the past. I appreciate this article and everyone who took it serious and exposed their true feelings about the heart break of infidelity.
I have gone thru this and continue to. I really luv this hub. Unfortantly I find myself stuck. I have been with my husband for 6 years and married two. He's probably always cheated. Feels like my life revolves around him trying to figure what he's always up to. Even tho I already kno... I have tried to leave him but I always get sucked right back in. I have been depressed for years and blamed myself. It doesn't get easier with kids just harder. This article opened my eyes to Alot and I think I'm going to read it until I finally have the strength to walk away and realize I can't change him. Thank you for the wisdom and to the people on here that understand what we women go thru...
What a fabulous hub, what could I possibly add
Thank you
Your newest fan
Kimberly
I had a relationship with a guy who had cheated on his ex girlfriend,she wanted to get married and he didnt, he said he wasnt happy and didnt feel loved enough, I asssumed that he was as he said not happy with her. I taught he was over all that and we got married. I had trust issues because I knew what he was capable of, I secretly was wary he would do the same to me, so I checked his email and credit cards, he was always hard with giving me money , but I found out that he was also in fact cheating on me and spending money to see his chick, I did eventually forgive him(I did still love him) only to find out later that he was chatting and sleeping with someone else during the time we were trying to reconcile. What a peach!
Cheating comes from one partner not being ready for a commited relationship or one partner secretly being unhappy and feeling unable to communicate this with the other. You all put so much thought and effort into a subject that answers itself. If we were all honest with ourselves this wouldn't be an issue at all.
I dont know where to start, i have been married for 12 years and i don't think for 6 months straight my husband has ever been faithful to me. He has even slept with suppose to be friends, i feel so down and depressed all the time feeling that i can't do without him. When i did build up the courage to leave not even 6 months he was where i had move to i guess my self esteem is so low that i'll put up with anything. i honestly feel like i'm not his type and i really dont know why he marry me he is use to dating light skin girls with long hair and nice bodies i am dark skin i had a nice body before the kids and i guess i'm not to bad looking. i was to a point one time where i wanted to kill myself, but i could not leave my beautiful kids behind. Someone please help me tell me what to do?
You are the mother of your beautiful children love is sacred under God, yes it hurts but its not about your dark skin , which by the way is the beautiful you, you can't beat what God gives you!!!!! Believe in yourself for your kids yourself God and even me, no excuses hold onto your dark skinned beautiful self and hold your head up there are no responsible excuses for him be good and let him fall on his face you cant teach him what he already knows is wrong
best wishes,
the light skinned mother of a beautiful 6 yr old with a dad who missed the boat on the meaning of love and the sweetness of the child
who needs a good role model............
respect yourself
jenny
It’s very easy to drive yourself in sane trying to dig and dig for information on a deceitful spouse. I’ve been there and done it. Knowing more only hurts you more. My husband deceived me with half truths and had an emotional affair with another woman. Every time I asked him to be truthful he denied and stated I was crazy for expressing my thoughts and suspicions. He denied everything until I had proof. Even then he tried to make up stories and excuses. The” other woman” was not completely innocent. She knew what she was doing when she constantly called and texted a married man late at night and on contantly on weekends. It wasn’t appropriate. And yes, it was his responsibility to bring a halt to how much his work was going to interfere with his marriage. Unfortunately, my husband didn’t have the strength of character or maturity to do the right thing. He still doesn’t. He would rather keep his friendship with Jennifer then try to work on his marriage. I feel like I’m in a loop of constant misery. I can’t force him to end his friendship with her nor can I force him to work on our marriage. I get so angry when I think how I begged him to put our marriage ahead of his friendship and he refused. After 7 years you would think he would have made an effort especially when we have a little girl together. He—They are not worth my dignity and self-respect. I need to move on and concentrate on myself.
Romica
I have been on my own with the children for 9 years.. I was married for 11..I was busy raising the kids and working lots of jobs.. I dated abot 4 times in 9 years... all 4 are still good friends of mine... :) I met a man about 4 months ago and I am crazy about him.. he is soooo nice, thoughtful, we laugh , we talk for hours, alone time is like we knew each other all our lives. I do not know why but I felt funny sometimes and thought it was just because my husband cheated on me alot.. and I was being silly because of that.. there was no reason to think my bf was doing anything wrong.. wrong..he left his accounts open on his computer and I looked.. I hated it but I started shaking bad before I open any mail.. he had been on chat lines with these beautiful women, date site, telling different women how beautiful they are..or wow your hot.. wow your sexy, wow your the most beautiful woman I ever seen... giving him his email addy and asking to get to know them.. it took him a week to convince me to start seeing him again ..that it was a mistake ..I know they were not..and promised he was done..it was a habit..I went back to seeing him before Christmas.. then just last week..I just checked his History for fun.. it was pretty clean.. except for one 1 week and a half ago.. he was in the personals for our city looking at adds for intimate ( discrete ) encounters.. I confronted him yesterday... he said he did not contact anyone..first he said it was a mistake..and he must have clicked it by mistake, then he said he wasn't looking for someone to be with, it was just reading material..blahh blahh..each time he changed his story.. so I said no..he knew it would hurt me for him to do this to me and he did it to me.. he said he did not have sex with anyone..and I really do not care..it is not the sex..it is doing something to someone that hurts them... I told him I am not angry it just hurts.. but he should be honest with people and if you want to do something that the other person will be hurt by..then leave them first then go do your thing..by being sneaky..he had taken my choice of what I was getting and wanted from a relationship away from me..and that is not fair to do to another person :(
The best thing to is cheat too if you know for sure he or she is cheating and never tell your parter you know they are cheating.
My exhusband cheated and I filed for divorce. During the divorce process our youngest daughter died and that scumbag used that to try to worm his way back into my life and my bed saying how sorry he was, he wanted to prove he could be a good husband and father to his other two daughters going forward. Sadly, in my moment of the most incredible sadness a parent can experience I believed him again. Three months later the same whore tried to run me off the road and I knew he was right back at it. Once a cheater, always a cheater and lying goes right along with it. I am divorced now and very, very happy.
When my ex-husband and I were about to get married, he told me in the past he had affairs with two women that had were married. He also said that one of them told him that the could still keep the affair going after we were married. He told here no because he'd found a good thing. Meaning me I guess. It wasn't long after we married he was mentally abusive and ignoring me. He slept on the couch most of the time. He had his own business and said he would have to work. I would go to bed and wake up to find him sleeping on the couch. I trusted him because well, I just did. We had two boy's together and I can tell you the exact date I became pregnant because thats how infrequently we had sex. I worked out had a great body, I confided this with a few people that did not know him and they said he must be gay or he was having an affair. Something I refused to believe. It was not until years later I finally broke down and checked cell phone records and found a number that he had been calling many times a day. Sometimes it looked like they were hanging up on one another. Of course he lied about it. I called the number and found out that it was the woman that was married and still married. What a mess.
ive been in a relationship for 6yrs and found out that he was cheating on me. the person came to my door told me she was sleeping with my man. my heart drop to the foor,i was so hurt. i thought i was in a dream and i was going to wake up. how could he do this to me . im hurt and i cry every day
i cant get over him cheating and i gave all my love .the thing that hurt the most is everything he got from her he could have got it from me as long as he wanted it. im still with him i do love him. but why did happen to me ?
Being a victim of cheating ybarnes is like going though grief i've been through a number of them. yes we all still love them in some way but the fact is THAT cheaters have psychological ISSUES they need help! but there is no xcuse for cheating. try and keep yourself busy, dont listen to love music it can trigger off the initial hurt, listen the music that can empower you to try to cope. time do not make you forget it just help you to cope. with me i had to fall all over in love again even though it was infatuation at first otherwise my depression would of swallowed me up. i can tell u was to do but try and speak with a specialist otherwise it can distroy your esteem, always remember you are a beautiful individual and IT IS NOT AND NEVER YOUR FAULT! I am sure u have friends and family who genuinely cares about you. WE WOMEN NEED TO STICK TOGETHER AND STAY STRONG... I KNOW U CAN DO IT! Hang in there
Excellent hub. These points should be well noted by all women going through this problem. Been there done that!!
Warmest regards,
Chris
Romica what you went through is exactly what I am dealing with now. Reading what you dealt with made me think I wrote it myself, except I am still with him.
I can't believe how perfect this article was. It was exactly what I needed to put me in the right direction. I forgave him before, and I am begining to suspect that he is doing it again. Its time to leave. Thank you so much.
Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 years & have a five year old together about 3 weeks ago he needed to start sleeping on the couch and inviting our kid to sleep on the love seat. (so I can look like a bitch mama by making our son go upstairs) Well last week while our son was spending the night with a relative, I ask him to come upstairs with me instead he rolls over on the couch and goes back to sleep...."this bothed
This article has helped me so much. I broke up with the man who kept cheating on me with so many women over the past 6 years, its hard to count. Every time i found out he said sorry... said i was the only one he loved... tried to keep me from leaving him. He had women from all over the world flying to see him...Malaysia, Singapore, Philippines, Dubai. He knows how to play his cheating game...I finally had the courage to let go... i am not looking back... no not this time..
I've been married for almost 4yrs and we have a 3 yr old daughter. When we started going out supposedly he was single w/2 kids. I never met his parents cause supposedly they worked a lot. I got pregnant & he said he wanted us 2 b a fam. I accepted we had a little wedding in wich his parents didn't show up supposedly they had 2 work. Likea week after he begged me 2 meet his fam didn't want 2 go but I accepted cause either way they were my soon 2 b born fam too. Once I had a foot in the door his mom insulted me saying I was a homewrecker & that the bby I was expecting wasn't even my husband bby. He didn't even tell them we were married. I forgave him cause we were on the first week of marriage but then I heard this other girl not the mother of his 2 older kids was pregnant & we both had the same time. So he was w/the mother of his 2 kids this other woman pregnant & me. He swore it wasn't his & stupidly I believe him until the DNA tested positive. & I forgave him . A yr ago he didn't come 2 sleep so I knew he was w/some1 else I packed my stuff & moved in w/my parents. He camed like a month after saying he never cheated that he loved me & 2 move back I said not until I was sure he had changed. Lately he says he works 2 much & didn't have time 4 us. He moved w/his parents supposedly 2 save $ 2 get us a bigger apt. So I thought he was working so much 2 find us an apt but no he's Being cheating w/this other girl he posted youtube videos on her Fb wall love songs & I confronted him & he denied it saying how I've never trusted him that I never loved his kids, that I should of moved when he told me 2. I have 2 beg him 2 see our daughter & he says I have 2 jobs I don't have time but he does have time 2 go clubbing w/this girl. He doesn't give me child support he doesn't even ask or calls 2 c how our daughter is doing. And then he haves the nerve 2 tell people that I don't let him see our daughter. He received my bbys health insurance renewal & I'm begging him 2 send it2 me cause she needs it & he doesn't even reply my emails. I never thought he was this kind of person.
My bf and I have been together for over 6 years and I recently found out that he has slept with over 15 people since we started dating...men and women...from craigelist. 5 were from our town which is very small. I feel like a fool. I love him but I don't know if he is filling me full of lies when he tells me he will never do it again. Seems unlikely.
I got married july 2011 and my husband left me in september 2011. But in novemeber 2011 he wanted to sort our life out together again with our children. I said okay to find out the whole three months he had another woman and her child living with him at his place. He stayed wih me on and off and the nights he told me he had to work late, well he didnt he was with the other woman. When i recently found out i was honestly devastated. I felt and still feel so sick in the gutt and my heart aches that i have been played a fool for the past three months. Now its going to be so hard for me to believe a man that they love me after what has just happened to me.
This is such a great article. I've been trying for years to figure out what I* am doing wrong in my relationship with my baby daddy to make him be unfaithful, he was married previously before he met me and he was very unfaithful to his wife and he used to say because they had a very unhealthy relationship. But now I get it. It's not the relationships he's in, it's part of his character. Time to pack my bags and quit putting myself and my child through the ringers trying to keep Daddy by us, if a child isnt enough, nothing must be. Thanks!
If a man starts cheating, its sometimes the last resort. Maybe you girls should lose a few pounds and liven up the bedroom...just sayin
I was married for 20 years when I found out my husband was on a dating site, he was actually trying to see if his girlfriend was on there! Yes, what a tangled web they weave. Well I left and am no longer part of his lies and the screaming and yelling have stopped, for me. I hear he screams at her and even leaves her on the side of the road when they fight. See she had fun spending my money, sleeping with my husband, and enjoying dinners that I paid for when my husband would debit them from our checking acct. BUT NOW I am divorced and receive child support and alimony and she deals with his controlling, arrogant, bullying personality. See when another woman wants your husband, the best revenge is to let her have him!!!!!!!! Watch out homewreckers because when you want someone elses husband you just might get them. GIRLS, Let the cheaters go have self respect!!
Just want to say, all those who have been cheated on r all brave and caring people, who have really hurted over such partners that r truly worth nothing, not yr time, care or love. All those that cheated knew exactly what they were doing. These cheaters will cheat no matter what! These r people who lie, r cunning, selfish,cold hearted and self centered, weak, two faced, and nasty by nature. Get out, and get rid of such a person, and god give u the strength to get yr life back and be happy again.
iam doing it now..im leaving him for good..though it hurts a lot,,,love until it hurts no more.,,,i never thought i will be this strong to leave him finally,,,enough of the lies, enough..
U r strong. Loving someone sincerely and truly, can sometimes makes us feel weak, emotional and venerable when we think of losing that someone. There r so many of our own emotional feelings to address first, we can forget or overlook that the person that we love is not true, is breaking us and hurting us, yes they do it all knowingly. It may all be hurtful for sometime, but I do assure u that later on, when yr life is back in yr control, u will feel better. Take care of yourself for now. My ex husband cheated on me through out our marriage. He was my best friend for four years before marriage. I thought we had the best friendship, the most trust and love that one could find. Of course he denied the cheating. Than he divorced me, I was too broken and too lost to think about a divorce. I was trying to get my heart and head over the shock of the cheating. I was depressed for two years, tried working, but couldn't. After four years now, I am so happy that he is gone. All the mind games, lying and heartache I was living is gone. I have got my life back, can smile and laugh again. Cheaters, don't love anyone true, they r just players, will get away with it for as long as they can. These cunning and shallow people can take a lot more from yr life and break u as a person. I'm glad my life is good again. Cheaters r not worth missing! Think about yr future, plan ahead. Make yr life what ever u wanted it to be. Goodluck.
I read so many comments if not all and I can relate to everything that's been said. I'm a young woman proud mother of my 3 yr old girl. I've been with my child's father since I was 16. I got pregnant at 17 and went thru a very rough pregnancy emotionally and physically. He cheated on me so bad... I was ashamed to open up to my friends about what was going on bc it was bad enough I was already pregnant. It wasn't just the cheating but the way he treated me was terrible. Some days were great and others I just wanted to end my life. After my daughter was born alot of his pasts came out of the closet along with a few crazy ex girlfriends that were madly in love with him and knew about me.. If I can give any advice please never confide in the girls that your spouse/bf is cheating on you with bc they will manipulate you and try to turn u against him and vise versa bc u soon realize they are still in love with your man... I did. Biggest mistake but it felt like a weight lifted to know some of the truth about what he did when he was with them behind my back. He made promise after promise to me that things wud change...and I was so in love with him and still am. But I continued to go thru the same vicious cycle of the lying and cheating... We wud break up almost every month bc of it, and because I couldnt get over the past, I wud bring it up constantly till it drove me crazy... Throughout these years I wud do the "driveby" and go thru the phone, even got into his email before, and snooped thru the car... Please don't do what I did.I stopped a year ago but If you ever feel like you have to stoop that low and work so hard to find out if your bf/spouse is cheating on you,you are wasting your time and your heart. Y do it when you already know or feel it in your gut? I felt like I needed that extra answer to confirm my accusations and I was never wrong... My last tri-mester during pregnancy I went thru a terrible pregnancy skin rash that still effects me today emotionally dealing with my body. I lost so much self esteem I started blaming myself for I he was cheating, I thot it was my body bc it will never look the same although he wud always say he loves it. 3 yrs later I've gotten into better shape and still working on stomache that got badly effected. But sadly to say just in 2011 He cheated on me again behind my back...Created social pages thinking noone wud tell me or find out. When we were both so happy or at least I thot so and i was devestated...He hurt me verbally and mentally and tried to protect himself by making up stories and calling me crazy and was in denial all these years. we went off and on and I had watched him move from girl to girl by facebook and twitter nd everything else.. I tried to move on as well but we kept running back into each other. Now its 2012. I gave him a pretty hard time last year about being faithful and honest now I feel like I'm just waiting for it to happen... I wud bring up the past everytime we fought making our relationship strain even more and it killed me... As far as being a father he has improved greatly compared to how he use to act before but still has his moments and could do better... Right now Im so confused. Were fighting and he broke up with me. We are slightly trying but I feel like our relationship is finally coming to an end for me but for sum reason I feel like I don't want to ruin our family or lose him but as time goes by im understanding what I really want and what I deserve.. He still has his very rude ways in how he treats me just like when I trying to fix this, He's pushing me away or trying to make me feel bad so I can beg, just to let him know i still want him bc part of it was my fault for always sayin some negative things nd bringing the past up. Right now Im trying to do whats best for me and my daughter and I'm slowly coming to a decision...The hardest would be to see him move on and actually be happier than he was with me... This has been such a tough time but I really need to figure this out asap....
Dear friend,
This man has been cheating on u from the beginning to the end. U need to realise that he didn't and does not love u. If u love someone, so much, u over love them more than u could love and care for yr self. U have not cared about yr self enough to put an end to the disrespect and emotional abuse he is giving u. It's effecting yr health. It's unhealthy to love this way. When u love someone so much, and he does not value u
as a person, if u keep coming back, he can treat u as badly as he wants, because he doesn't actually care and u don't care about yr self neither. It just gets worse, until u leave him.
Plz see yr gp and ask to talk to someone, Just to talk about the cheating, the hurt, yr feelings. It will help clear some of the confused feelings. It's easy said than to leave the person u love. It's hard to admit that he is treating u badly. Until u realise the truth, that is actually there inside of u, yr inner voice, that he will always cheat.
Once u get yr confidence and self worth and self esteem back, u won't care if his happy or not. U will concentrate on yr life and yr daughters life again.
With cheaters they r only happy for a while until they cheat again, than its over again. What goes around really does come around. Just a matter of time.
There are quite a few self help books u can order from Amazon, just to read and learn about the situation. From reading u will also learn about yr own emotions, and y u r finding it difficult to leave the man. I wish u the best of luck, hope u find the direction to better yr life.
Hi Confused,
You are not confused, you know what you need to do and that is leave him. Have self respect and do it for your daughter!! Don't enable him, the longer you stay the longer he is able to cheat and manipulate you. Life is too short to live it like you are. Believe me I did it for over 20 married years and more than that when you add the dating and engaged time. I should have never married my ex-husband b/c the signs were all there but I was too scared to walk away. Now with counseling (and there are plenty of places to go for counseling) I have broken the cycle of my abusive, cheating husband by leaving my home and filing for divorce. I was divorced in Nov 2011 and it was a terrific day!! Now as I stated in my previous post, he is still miserable and treats his g/f the way he used to treat me. See abusers and cheaters are never happy so make yourself happy and MOVE ON!!! You all can do it, really what r u losing???
Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear, that I am not insane and that cheaters will always be cheaters! I found out that my boyfriend of three years is cheating with an old flame from 20 years ago. Of course I am called crazy when I smell the same disgusting perfume all over his clothes and still I love him. Told him to leave and he is still hear made me believe that it was all in my head and even felt like it was. But once again I smell the same perfume and have even more evidence and just as you said I have done things I never imagined just trying to get real answers. But all the snooping and checking up is really making me ill. I do not deserve to live this way. I have loved him and been so good the least I should do is keep my dignity and self respect and slowly move on...The pain is so great and i know it will pass with time but its like waves in the ocean I try to tell myself maybe it will pass but then my embarrassment for even staying with him hits me. I'm so confused my strength of doing what I know I must which is tell him to go comes and goes. Thanks for letting me pour out what others are tired of hearing me say...
I am in a relationship with a married man. Initially when I met him, he told me that he was separated. After a few months, when I was already deeply in love with him, I discovered that he is not separated and still very much married.
I know that I should have broken up with him then, but he told me a bunch of stuff like how he is going to separate and that they are staying together for the sake of their children(They have two kids).
So I stayed, a couple of weeks ago, I went through his mail, I got to know his password and I was shocked to see that all this time he has been having multiple affairs online and has even met around 3 of them and has been meeting up with them and sleeping with them!
And the worst part is that I am still with him. But Ive had enough. I have to break up with him. I'm going crazy imagining him with all those other women. I need to end this. I hope I have the strength to do so.
Ladies or men! Get yourself together! Lets make this easy, simple and to the point. Partners that cheat have a need that is not being met. So much depends on the situation and circumstance. Although I strongly agree that cheating on someone you love is wrong I also realized I have complete control over the outcome. I spent days, months and many sleepless nights trying to analize just how someone who said they loved me could cheat. After much wasted time I made a decision to make a change in my life and control my own happiness. This is what I discovered through my hurtful experience. You have two ways to handle a cheater. Have fun with it afterall you have deserved the right to play! First choice is you can drop them like a rock and never look back. With this choice you MUST be completely ready to stay committed to your decision to break up and stay completely consistant. Change your phone number, stop all communication and if they still try to find a way back in your life be prepared to file a restrainning order and envolve law enforcement. This step requires complete commitment other wise you will only send the message to them that you are wishy washy and insecure. What you start you must finish when dealing with a cheater or you cheat yourself.
Second choice is for all of us that still find love in our hearts for them and find it more hurtful to let them go for good. So if you find yourself at this stage of the relationship but hurt from their cheating and totally unable to accept it or allow it then what I am about to share with you will work like a charm. You first have to own the right that you deserve better and write down exactly what you WANT. Example of a want may be a car, house, money, perfume, phone, clothes, vacation or just merely chores done around the house. Make you a Honey Do list. Make up a nick name for them and start calling them by a different name (something funny like Sweety Pie or Goofy). Get wild in the bedroom and command them to play a role of some sort. Get freaky! If they say anything you dont like call them stupid or tell them to shut up. After all if they are a cheater they are more insecure than you ever will be! No matter what do not let them see or know you are down or sad. Smile at all times and be happy cause of the fact you are going to be after giving them a stout dose of their own medicine. Start spending time away from them doing last minute activities like going walking, shopping, or just riding around with a friend. Dont invite them and break plans with them often. Call them and ask if they can get off work early to spend time with you! Call them back and tell them somethings come up and you cant spend time with them. Throw them a bone every once in a while but only do it when you got a drink in your hand. Later own you might want to use that as an excuse for your kindness! Soon they will beg for your attention and tell them you will need another stiff drink. Use lots of humor and sarcasim. Turn the tables and show out! Start thinking of your own happiness and what you want. Become selfish!! Afterall it was Snow White that coughed up the poisonous apple on her OWN. It was Rapunzel who used her OWN hair to escape the tower. Beat the Cheat cause they love the torture. Its either you or them. It is wonderful healing therapy. Meanwhile be looking for a real partner that is worthy of your good loving.
Kate Downs:
You laid this message on the line in plain English without beating around the bush! I was gasping for breath as I read it. It is clear, precise, and to the point. Yes! It is overflowing with truth, and I love it.
You said it is not the other woman's fault. Is that why the other woman often gets away with murder while the man is scandalized and spread before the world to see his sins? Oh, he deserves it, but the woman deserves a thrashing, too. Many years ago, my best girlfriend had a fling with my husband. That hurt. That hurt horribly. We were best friends before he came along. I expected loyalty from my girlfriend. She hurt me more than he did. You are so right. Cheaters cheat like a profession, and there will always be a woman, or a man, for the cheater to be with.
Voted up, interesting, and useful. Thanks for sharing.
So he is an ex now but why am i still friends with the girl he cheated on me with :/
Gah! found out he's cheated with another woman. He said that woman was pursuing him but damnit! they've gone out on many dates. We had a fight and he slept outside my house the whole night inside his car. I'm currently monitoring that woman's FB status daily. He said he loves me and don't have feeling for the other woman but damnit! why gave that woman a chance with him in the first place? I should start flirting with other man so I can stop obsessing over him and get back my confidence!
spot on . you are right.my husband of 15yrs is so inmatured i always know when he is at it. he has cheated on me from the onset. yes i know one will ask why am still with him. i am because of my kids. where i come from divorce is out of question and infedelity is on a man side is never frowned upon. i found a way to make my life calm and happy.
we are married for 14 years, iv cheated my wife several times before, after 6years of marriage i stopped. a year ago i started to date a 19 yr old girl, and she told me that her own brother was having an adulterous affair wt my wife apparently the days i was not cheatin. My wife admitts but she says they were only frends and she was only in love with the words not the person for a span of three years up until she gets pregnant last year, she would not admitt more. My concience tell me they had.
Everyone should stop playing games. Drop the cheaters like a heavy load. (b/c that's what they are) Move on and live a happy, emotionally healthy life!! Don't stay married for your kids, it's not healthy for them either. If you move on at least they will have one stable, honest parent in their life. My son does!!!!
kurio:
Oh, yes! This article is helpful and it is the truth. To not know that is to not know how many women feel and react to cheating. The three mistakes the author has here are the exact ones I made and have seen other women make. I was young and did not know as much as I thought. I divorced my husband because he continued the cheating. The second time around, I was wiser and even managed to stay married.
My mom told me that a man will always find something to do that we women do not like, so "try to make it work." She added that "the next husband will present you with a challenge, too, although it could be something different." She was right in my case.
A marriage is like a car. When it is new, all is well, but you must put gas, oil, and other needs into it. There will be times when a major job is required. If complete maintenance is kept up, it will last on to antiquity. If it is neglected, it ends up immobile, still visible, but not functional. If the owners decide that they do not want to repair it, it could end up crushed and on a conveyor belt at a steel company. The End.
Married people should not trust outsiders to keep their bodies clean. There are too many incurable diseases everywhere to take such stupid chances diving into someones else's body fluids. Condoms are not made of iron, and there are many devious women who know what to use to cause them to fail when they want to trap a man with pregnancy. Men can be such easy prey when clever women brainwash them. Many a prominent politician in high offices have been victims of conspiracies that used women as bait. A fling or affair could be a death sentence, political assasination, or both. I do not understand the ignorance that makes anyone with an ounce of intelligence play Russian Roulette. "Knowledge" definitely does not mean "wisdom" as some think.
Carrie:
You fell in love with the phantom, not the real man. The real man is the one who is butterflyig with all of you women. You are caught in a trap and are afraid to walk out that door! You are the only one who can free yourself. This man is having fun wallowing in a pool of women that he has fooled. He does not want to leave his wife. He wants to keep her and swim with a few fish on the side. His wife is the big fish, and you extras are little anchovies. You will be hurt as long as you choose to be. Even if he divorces his wife and marries you, you will only take his wife's place as head of the school of fish. Will that please you? You will have status then! Girl, wake up and let this man know that you will no longer be a fisn in his pool. You do not need his permission or to give him notice. Just walk away and do not look back. Dogs return to their own vomit to lap it up, but you are better than that. One day you will ask yourself, "Why was I so blind?" It is wrong to go with someone else's husband. No good will come of it. Let that wife have her headache! You have no right to make demands on him or expect him to be true to you. He is not your husband. You are a cheater, too. You are cheating his wife of her husband's time and attention, if not affection. You and those other women are equals. You all date a married man. Surely you can be better than that!
I wish you the BEST, and it is certainly not that married cheater. I am trying to help you to stay off INVESTIGATION DISCOVERY, lady. I once had an associate who had just gotten a doctorate degree and had a great career ahead of herself, but she was shot to death because she could not let go of a user who had a string of jealous women. Run!
PITY ME:
You said, "If a man starts cheating, its sometimes the last resort. Maybe you girls should lose a few pounds and liven up the bedroom...just sayin."
There is no excuse for cheating, and the one to blame is the cheater. So, a man has a right to sin because a woman did not liven up the bedroom! There is never an excuse for wrongdoing.
How many men are overweight and never lose a pound? How many men do not give a woman a reason to liven up a bedroom? They have problems, too! They could go to a doctor and try to get some Viagra or some other treatment. Women put up with a lot. Why do men think that they have everything together? They don't, but many women try to be understanding.
A woman has three babies for a man, gains 40 pounds, and the man blows a fuse. Who got her pregnant? Who caused her to gain weight? What if the woman complains about his weight gain, his baldness, his lack of other abilities, and a thousand other things. Women are generally not as rude as some men.
I have seen men leave their good wives for cheaters who had them fooled. I have also known a few men to divorce their wives after a hysterectomy and marry other women who had the same but did not tell them. I do not sympathize with such nuts. Some men need to get a grip, grow up, and realize that a woman is not just about sex and what arouses them. They need to take a shower and elevate their minds.
I found out last night that he has been cheating on me with a woman he has been texting for a couple of months. The texts even showed that they'd had sex last week. We were trying for a baby and he spoke about us getting married just last week too. I feel like a fool and as if my entire world has fallen apart. I have thrown him out but I feel so lonely and sad. I don't know what to do.
Suzy
Don't feel lonely!! You did the right thing!!Threw out the garbage in your life. LOL my exhusband slept with a phone in his pocket so he could text his gf. Now she has him 24/7. Better her than me!! She can have him and his phone b/c cheaters never change. Old saying "cheaters never win, and winners never cheat!!" So true!! He chose what he wanted to do, but he cannot choose his consequence!! You are in control of that!! You go girl!! Be strong!
Why r so many people cheating? Is it really right or ok to sleep around, have sex with anyone u want when in a marriage or a relationship? No limits! No good morals, no values. Today's society has lost how to be faithful, how to up hold trust, how to respect the partner to refrain from sexual desires. How to care for others, how not to hurt others.
The few people who do have faithfulness in their hearts and minds find it difficult to understand the cheaters minds. The cheats don't know what faithfulness is because they have no morals, so anything goes.
At the end, everything goes downhill. Marriages and relationship break, homes break, children suffer, partners suffer. Point is, go back to a limit, have good morals and values, don't break trust, be faithful, don't ruin lives for lust and cheap trills. If u r that weak as a person that u have to sleep around and cheat, than don't be in a steady relationship or a marriage.
I believe it is a two way street, equal effort is required. Dead weight will drag you down. I think we live in a society with too many options and information. Between the internet and smart phones, the world is at our fingertips. Porn is everywhere, sex is marketed everywhere. Unfortunately, nobody sticks out a commitment anymore, school, marriage, career, homes, vehicles. We live outside our means get stressed and blow up. Some don't like to work at anything!
I think Levertis Steele's reference to the automobile sums it up! You got to take care of the things you love and cherish!
Wow. It is that simple? I don't think so..
This article is very encouraging.
This whole year I had such an amazing relationship w/ the shyest guy in school. By the end Of our relationship (which only lasted 2 weeks) he had already kissed 5 different girls besides me. He admitted to all of them an he was so ashamed the few weeks after.But he is so nice to me and the only guy I have really ever felt anything with!!! I don't want to just let it go, but the more time I spend with him the more the other girls get up on him. He just keeps cheating and cheating and everyone keeps judging me for running back every time!! Saying that I'm "immature" and have "no self-control". When I know they all like someone for a day and decide they're losers. They dont know what its like to have a romance. But I'm starting to think its time to move on. And it's going to be so hard, since he is my first kiss and he has amazing manners and ugh. I'm glad I found this article. :) and I love hearing stories like mine(:
Oh and also...
If youre trapped and you want to truly try to break a cheater from the inside out while also giving them a sour dose of their own medicine, try this. It has worked in one man, but we are split up and Im glad!
1. Expose
Oh and also...
If youre trapped and you want to truly try to break a cheater while also giving them a sour dose of their own medicine, try this. It has worked on one man for me (and in a very effective matter!), but we are split up and Im glad!
1. Expose them. Tell them that you know what happened, how it happened, everything etc. even though you may not. Make em' blush from embarrassment and ashamement (if that is a word!)
2. Make them REALIZE what they have lost. Show them how beautiful you really are, and really rub it in their face about how they ruined it. How they would break the heart of such a caring girl like YOU. And how they would ruin such a once happy relationship! And don't just let him know. Let the girls know too.
3. Let them dig their own holes. The fact that now everyone knows he's a cheater and that he ruined a perfect relationship with a perfect girl (you) will (most likely.Depending on the guy) torture him. And he'll come running back to your feet.
4. What to when he comes running back? You're going to have to spin your heels the opposite direction. Immediately. This is one of the hardest things to do. But you need to think of what YOU WANT, and YOUR NEEDS. You deserve better anyways :) knowing this is a good way to handle a cheater, I just can't bring myself to complete all the steps. I hope all you strong women out there are stronger than I!
Hope this helps!!!
Hi everyone..dis s a gr8 site..
Plz cmnt on my stry guys.i need ur hlp..
So i am 5'6" n i had a bf..he loved me..i used to sty alne in my apartment..evryday night he used to come home..and thn he used to strt striping my clthes of..he evryday used to suck my boobs..he used to play wit thm..he pinched it,squezed it, used to salivate it..etc..whenevr we meet,he used to hug me and touch n kiss my breast..my boobs were quite huge..n now he is ignring me..wht shal i do?
Don't play games!! The more you do the more he wins!! End it and move on!! He doesn't deserve to talk to you, text you, email you, etc. Be healthy and cleanse your heart and soul of his manipulation and lies!
Today (of all days) is our 16th wedding anniversary and I found out my husband, whom I hv 2 kids with, has been at it again. We for the last ~6 years had a long distance relationship due to career choices we made. He has admitted to having an affair 5 yrs ago. Things were ok up until last month when we finally moved in together bringing the family together. I found more than 50 texts sent from his phone to women calling them "babe" etc, but he said his friend made all of them, which the friend confirmed when I called him. he said that won't happen again, then he started to hide one of his mobile phones - he said it was not working and then said he has misplaced it. When I checked the itemised bill today I found over 80 calls made to yet another woman last month and another 75 the previous month (who is also married and with a husband and kids). over 10 calls made by my husband at 2-3am within 5 minutes!! She tells me my husband should stop calling her!! Also, I found numerous phone #s and email address of women (with very cheap-sounding login names) written on pcs of paper in his wallet - he claims not to know what they are!! Although I was physically away from him for several yrs I found so many boxes of condoms(which he had bought in BULK) - when confronted he said he uses them when he mas*****tes, which I believed!! I found used condom wraps in his flat when I was helping him clean it before me moved in together - he said that could be the same friend who used his mobile to text to his women who must have used them in his room!!!!! Whenever we had been intimate he insisted on wearing a condom, although he used to hate them before!! Why am I being so stupid?
I am sleepless knowing what my Husband has done! Same stories as these. Its as if ALL these cheaters have the same brain-- or lack of one. I just realized reading here "why" his old cell phone sits on his desk! He works from home. Thank you for this hub! His 1st Wife died of cáncer and I think he was cheating on her. Once a cheater always a cheater!
my name is wenta, i had a problem with my wife sometimes ago but never knew what the problem was,i tried to asked her but she refused to tell me what it was as time goes on i discovered she was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend,i
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i am gradidge from australia i have been through this same trauma when the father of my 2kids left me and i suffered depression and after 8months, a friend of my directed me to meet with a spell caster that helped me and today i my story have changed. So i will tell everyone if you need help you have to meet with him on his email lordkalifat@gmail.com he can help you and you will be happy just like me. Again his email lordkalifat@gmail.com
thank you for the time you have given me to help make me a better person and make much more and see much more in my life. I knew I had personal problems. I guess I did not want to see what the truth was about my direction in life and why I was doing certain things. Your insight and genuine ability to be able to see what the real situation is with me is helping me overcome the boundaries I have right now. I know it will not be easy the path I have chosen but at least now I do know what path I want to be on., Thanks to you I know a little bit about myself enough to help me make changes within. Thank- you once again.It really is a big big help to have you in my life and on my side. I will forever be grateful to you ayelalashrine@gmail.com
is there a man out there who has never cheated in a relationship?..i dont think so..men are dogs and the always wil be dogs. they think by using their dicks..
Hi everybody
I've been reading a lot of the messages left on this board and I'm so sorry to anyone who has suffered a cheating partner.I've been cheated on before and it wasn't nice but I didn't really love those people very much. But for the last two years I've been with a guy who I love but constantly accuses me of cheating on him (I never have). Today, I find out that he's been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it he tried to kick me out of his house as if I'd done something wrong. It's late and I'm in the US visiting him but I'm from the UK so I have nowhere else to go. I feel dreadful as it is and can't understand why he's treating me terribly when he's the one in the wrong.
it has been 4 years that am with my boyfriend, and the first time he slept with me, was just 2 weeks after our 1st meeting.. and ya, that day, just after sleeping with me, he went to chat with other girls, he had gf in france, in our own country, i was feeling so disgusted.. but i forgave him, but 2 years back, he cheated me again, he used to chat with all my girl classmates, even meet them and other girls, i was like a fool.. everyone used to laughed at me but still am with him, and now, he stay far from me, dont even kiss or touch me when we meet! i have checked his email everything, but i dnt knw if he is cheating again!!!
please advice!!...
I am a smart woman, business woman, strong, raised 2 children working multiple jobs. I never put up with anything until I met my BF of 2 years. I moved to a small town to get away and I met him there. I had people immed. telling me to be careful and he liked women. He put it off to small town - which I understand as I also lived in a small town and gossip is horrible. BUT there is truth to so much gossip ladies. I gave up everything to be with this man including my dignity and self esteem. I knew the whole time it was wrong and I never let him out of anything he did.. but I did by staying. I left 3 months ago.. packed my bags and left. One of the most difficult things I have done. The mind manipulation that comes from a cheater is amazing.. but they have years of experience and you do not. Its like a resume on cheating and they qualified and good at it. I felt I was being slapped in the face on each side constantly for 2 years finding... multiple e mails - , graphic facebook correspondence, pictures on his phone.. bank accts etc.. I thought if I could spend every second with him he would not have the time to cheat.. WRONG. Our sexual life was AMAZING ladies, so its not the sex that drives them away and these posts that say "loose weight and liven up the b room" - well they are prob cheaters too. I am thin , BEAUTIFUL and very capable of satisfying a "healthy" man. HEALTHY is the key - they are not and we are not. I became vulnerable to loosing my mom, loosing everything I had in a past divorce and BK.. they know vulnerable women immed.. and they prey on you. We are looking for love, security and they are looking to claim another "victim" for their warped satisfaction. They are ill - plain and simple ill and we also need to ask why we are there. I am in my first stage of becoming healthy again after 2 years of multiple affairs on his part, verbal and on 2 occasions physical abuse. They yell when you find out what has happened to control you and yes you are "crazy" , "loosing it", "its all your fault", you are "drama".. I have heard it all... but we know we are not and we still stay trying to "fix" to "make better" something that will not get better. They take over your entire life. They lie, they sneak and they cheat you and you cheat you from your own personal health. It takes it's toll ladies no matter what you think, physically, MENTALLY and emotionally. They are good at what they do , "masters" and you are not. You are up against a smart man bc he has done it so much and learned from all the mistakes we let them know they make. STOP NOW ALL OF YOU - we all make the mistake and stay.. IT WILL NEVER WORK, NEVER. You are cheating yourself and all your loved ones for A COMPLETE SICK LOSER. It feels like love but it's nothing but games for him and he will win. YOU WILL LOOSE. We all think the same thing.. oh my god he will "move on and be happy w someone else", "He will love her more", "it was me", "I didn't try hard enough". STOP - none of this is true - they are the one's who are ill, not you. It is a sickness and addiction. Some may change and that's great but I believe 99.9% can't and won't, Not for you not for anyone. It can be the most beautiful, skinny sexy woman in the world and THEY WILL STILL DO IT!! Love yourself and though it seems the hurt will never stop....they say it does. Mine has not and I feel my heart will break in two.. only yesterday he called and wants to work it out..... he was mean on the phone saying "stay off my phone" and "that's not our only problem what I do", "i have to accept him for who he is" and on and on - all the mind games..his games controlled our lives.... it is so messed up there are not words. MY mistake I ANSWERED THE PHONE. I need to stop and I will. I am 15 hrs from him and thank god - he asked me to come back this week and I won't. I thought about it as we all do, BUT I WONT !! STAY STRONG, stay busy, talk to a counselor but DONT GO BACK!!! HE WANTS YOU WEAK THAT'S PART OF THEIR SICK SICK GAME. LOVE TO ALL OF YOU - LOVE FOR YOURSELF !!
To all of the women here who's husbands,boyfriends, have cheated. I lived that life for almost nine years. I finally (with the love and support of friends and family) left him for good. Once a cheater always a cheater ....its true, and any woman who thinks its not is fooling herself. Oh sure she can think, "he cheated,I forgave him, we've moved past it and things are better than ever." I've heard that from many women. They are sadly mistaken in thinking their significant other has made this miracle turn around and is no longer cheating. Cheating men are liars and have major issues. "Women make us cheat", "She didn't do this right or she did this wrong" Give me a break. Men use their wives or girlfriends as an excuse for their bad behavior. As I tell all men.... personally, hindsight is 20 20. If I knew then what I know now...I would have left the first time he cheated instead of throwing away years of my life with a jerk that didn't deserve one minute of my time. Lessons learned. God Bless
I'm reading these posts and crying. my husband and i have been married for a year and a half. last week i found out that he has been cheating on me. not once but the whole time we have been together. 6 years. When i found out it took me by complete surprise. i happened upon this news by accident, not even looking or thinking this would ever happen to me. i stayed up all night long reading all the messages sent back and forth. 6 years of messages. 6 hurtful years. from what i gather he never really liked me. told this woman that he loved her and that he wished it were her he was holding instead of me..... me his wife the mother of his child. i didn't ask for this. he is the one that asked me to marry him hes the one that wanted kids hes the one that lied to me though the whole thing. and what did i do when i found out? i woke him up and asked or an explanation. an explanation? its all here in black and white. he told me that he was lieing to her. trying to win her over. trying to make his life sound bad so she would feel sorry for him. what? what the hell does that mean? why? i don't understand why. why would he ask me to marry him knowing he is cheating on me? how could this man i thought i knew carry such a burden with out even blinking an eye. i don't know this man that i married. my whole relationship has been a lie. I loved the man i thought i knew but now? how can you love someone you just met? i feel cheated and tricked. and what do i do the night i found out. the night he cried like a baby? i held him in my arms and told him everything is gonna be ok. me? he woman that was lied to and cheated on? i held the cheater in my arms and told hm everything is gonna be ok. wtf is wrong with me. every time i bring it up he cry's and i back off. act like everything is ok. but its not. why should i care about his feelings when he had no regard for my own? he even told me that he didn't feel guilty the whole time it was going on. so why am i still here. why didn't i just leave. how far will i let this go. and tell me this when will i respect my self enough to say enough.
My heart goes out to all the people who have been hurt by cheaters. Cheating really breaks hearts and homes. I suggest that we should name and shame the cheaters on this hub.
What's the cheater's name?
People please spell correctly it's: lose as in "I've lost something" not loose as in "he has loose morals". The spelling detracts from the story.
I have read most of these and it is very disheartening. I have been cheated on once - in my most recent relationship. Ended over a year ago and I still have trouble trusting women. I forgave the cheater - or at least I THOUGHT I did...6 months later, she did something else that made me question her love for me. It wasn't exactly cheating, but I eventually decided that with this act COMBINED WITH the cheating 6 months ago, I couldn't trust her and, thus, ended it. It goes to show that continuing a relationship with a history of cheating generally doesn't work. Even when I THOUGHT I had forgiven her, in the end, my decision was affected by it.
I was with a man for 14 years with 10 years of marriage. He cheated on me right when I was trying to discuss getting off birthcontrol. He ended up getting the girl pregnant. He left me & now I find myself hating the young years I wasted. I'm so sad.
Young Ladies: learn from me, have kids early ....
This and the comments should be required reading for all who discover their partners are dishonest. Don't love these people. They enjoy taking from you and lying to you and they definitely don't love you. If you ask them why they cheated they have 100 reasons, and will find a way to blame YOU, so don't ask them. Say nothing, pack your bags and WALK.
And -- "spells" do not work.
Wasted Time-
I doubt this has anything to do with you not having a baby earlier. Having a baby to keep someone around is not a good plan. Your boyfriend or spouse should be on the same page with you as to how your joint lives play out. If he wanted a baby and you didn't at the time, then maybe this was not the right relationship. My boyfriend's ex kept having babies to keep him around because he loves his kids and she knew the guilt of not being around them would keep him there. Now she is alone with 3 kids because she was trying to manipulate him into staying with her when their marriage was not healthy or good.
I say, have children when you feel it is right and your partner should be on the same page too.. Women place too much importance on other people's feeling than our own. Our feelings and direction of our lives is our choice too.
I fell madly in love with this man whom I had not seen for 24 years. He was my first boyfriend and my highschool sweetheart. He was married to a disgusting 85 pound drug addict who was selling drugs out of the home and they lived in filth while he worked 16 hrs a day for 15 yrs. DYFS came to the home 7 times. She never worked and created a $30,000 bankruptcy; went up to 250 pounds and then demanded gastric bypass surgery. She became an alocholic and drug addict. She laid in the living room and did drugs and smoked all day. I went into rescue mode falling madly in love with this man helping him prepare documents and researching even getting my father's daughter involved on a daily basis to "save him from this hell he was in with his kids". We talked on the phone every day and texted 100 times per day and saw eachother every two weeks for intimacy and face to face loving. I started to get irritated after 18 months about this jerky neighborhood woman who kept babysitting his children and calling and texting him all day while he was at work. He insisited he never cheated on his wife and that this woman, "mo" was just his friend and I was crazy. I got him divorced with no alimony, no child support (he got the kids) and he kept his whole pension. Shortly after I began to ask more questions about "mo". I couldn't believe what I was thinking because this "mo" woman literally has six kids and lives in filth and is on welfare committing fraud etc. Ultimately I found out that "mo" was worse than the wife he divorced. She was a "drug addict for years" according to two of his family members plus she admits this to everyone. And she openly admits all of her children were taken away and put into foster care for her drug addition and drug dealing. Worst of all, he had been having sex with this gross disgusting woman for years and continued to have sex with her throughout our 18 months of passionate love and teamwork. Instead of apologizing he emailed me telling me this addict was his friend and would always be his friend into the future; prioritizing her and sweeping me (whom he always proclaimed as his soulmate and the most beautiful woman on earth one million times) under the rug. When he came to his senses he tells me he never told her I even existed!! and he "broke up with her" telling her about me and saying he wanted me. It was sickening. The whole 18 monthns I was worrying, loving, fretting, advising, and dreaming of this man and he was drunk having sex with a drug dealing addict with kids in foster care watching football. Every sex, text and call was a total lie. I have been sick for two months and at times do not leave my bed. He is out there laughing it up and carrying on with life. This is a cautionary tale. Any man who says "oh she just babysits my kids" or "shes just a friend". Think twice. And if you ask him "Are you attracted to this piece of shit?" and his reply is "I don't know. I don't think of her that way." Run for your life. He is cheating!!!! And you will have to get an std test like I did. I guess since I didn't do and sell narcotics, swill beer, and I work and clean my home; I wasn't ultimately for him. It's called being used. I wonder why he divorced the first run down drug addict to go with the even worse one with 6 kids not even his? I will never know.
Oh and did I mention in my post above that he was supporting her and all six of her children (not his) from 2 other men and he has gone back to her and is supporting this worn out drug addict again. I don't understand and will never understand how I have two college degrees with high honors;work in a noble profession; am told I am beautiful by 5-6 men a day and I spent 18 months loving a cheating user who now is rich and free to continue to cheat with ignorant drug ass ugly felon addict number two. If it wasn't so heartbreaking and shocking it would be ludicrous. I hope I can get out of bed soon. what a disaster
My ex cheated on me!
I knew he was a liar , he lied about the littlest things.. But I just let it go! How stupid and weak of me!
But I had knew he cheated on me .. He gave an excuse that he hadn't been in touch at the weekend because " I thought I lost my phone, was going to cancel the sim and everything"
I didn't believe him, I asked why he didn't use a pay phone or even email me?!!!
This is where he started to trip himself up and say " I left my phone at work because I was busy and just forgot"
Those two story's don't add up!
I really don't know what he thought or why the hell he would try and deny it
Then came the " I love you and always will, I don't want anybody else, I only want you! "
The trust had totally been shattered, he was definately hiding something!
I just needed to see him in person to confront him (.. Long distance relationship)
So played along and pretended I had forgiven him..
The weekend after he was suppose to come and see me..
The day before he text me telling me he couldn't come because he had a lot of work on!!
That was the last I heard of him... It's been a month now!!
So I guess I was right, he was a cheating liar!
He deserves whatever he gets in life , I treat him like a prince, was so kind, opened my heart up to him and after 8 months here I am..
Empty inside!
Not as bad as I was the first week.. It was an awful feeling, one Iv never felt before, one I never want to feel again.. Ever!
I blame the distance
But mostly I blame him!!
I managed to stay faithful!
He was the first guy I had been with after my 8 year relationship ended a few years before!
Knowing the signs to look out for are the key!!!
If he lies to you, his mum, friends.. Himself!!
Then he's going to cheat, lie and hurt you!
I haven't been in touch either..
Who wants a cheater!!!!!!!!
He's still alive though.. I know that for sure!
I say good riddance to bad rubbish.. There are decent men out there who will love you and stay true..
It's the finding them that's the hardest part!!
Cheaters are losers!!
Cheaters are not worthy of your time!!
CHEATERS ALWAYS GET FOUND OUT!!!
Trust your instincts!!!!
And be happy!!!
HI. I HAVE READ ALOT OF THESE POST AND I'M REALLY NEW TO THIS. I AM 33 AND THE GUY THAT I HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS IS 56. JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH ANOTHER WOMAN BY GOING THOUGH HIS POCKETS AND LOOKING THOUGH HIS PHONE. I NORMALLY WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THESE THINGS, BUT THE WRITINGS WERE ON THE WALL. MY 9 YR OLD SON TOLD ME OVER DINNER 2 DAYS AGO THAT HE WAS CHEATING BECAUSE HE IS NEVER AT HOME WITH US. MY SON SAID THAT HE BELIEVED HE WAS AT ANOTHER WOMANS HOME. AND MY SON WAS CORRECT! I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED,BUT I KINDA FELT IT ALL ALONG. NOT BLAMING ANYONE. JUS READY FOR THE WHOLE THING TO BE OVER. I HAVEN'T LOVED HIM FOR A LONG TIME. ALL HE DOES IS PAY BILLS AND HE ACTS AS IF I'M NOT ALIVE! TO MAKE MATTERS WORST I'M NOT ATTRACKED TO HIM IN ANY SORT OF WAY. THIS IS MY CHANCE TO FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS POINTLESS REALTIONSHIP1
had a gut feeling that my bf of 6 months was giving someone else the attention i felt like i was lacking....he works off 2 weeks home 2 weeks....the 2 weeks hes home i stayed at his house the other 2 at mine..but i had moved alot of stuff there and he had me believing up until i busted him that everything was perfect, i asked him many times and he assured me, well when i walked into the hotel room he was staying at he was a dear in headlights and asked me what am i doing there really angry, and told me to leave, i looked at him and around, u could tell he just had a little fun and was on the phone flirting with his ex wife....anyways he escorted me out to my truck and never would answer any questions its like he was a total different person, told me to go home and he would talk to me when he got back from work..well im not gonna sit and wait for an answer while playing house.....so i did some digging and found out what i needed to know after i blasted him on facebook all kinds of people came foward....he still has not talked to me, he texted me he came home early and to get my stuff out his place last night at midnight or i want have any..so i went and he was changing the locks and locked me outside and told me to get everything myself ...and i had some pretty heavy stuff there..u cant get a uhaul or people to answer there phone that late for help....the shit was in his shed with no lights outside, im pretty beat up after loading it myself...the wrose part is the hate to watch me do it myself and him smile and no remorse ...i have no clue who i was with....kinda scared me....he actually has showed no feeling whatsoever or remorse for anything....and its really hrd to let it go.....
I kno that every woman probably goes through the heart break process of life. I have gone through it several times... but my recent one was the worse... i was with my boyfriend for 6 years..... and we recently broke up.... we were going to get engaged this summer but for the past 2 years he has been acting different.. couldnt really put my finger on it but he was different... and now after 6 years he tells me that he wants to take it back a notch and he wants to go out with his boys more and his "platonic" girls toooo..... and am like wow...... it hurts beyond belief..... how do u waste your time on something you dont want you know?? i mean if a guy wants to cheat and do himmmm ,, why not just break up with the girl and stop wasting her time??? i mean them as fools also waste their own money and time to be with someone that they dont even want to be with anymore but why??????? for me, it has only been a month since the breakup and it still hurts alot..... i reallly thought this guy was different but i guess what we women do is just create a fake relationship in our mind and think that ,that is our current relationship.. we get blind.... and betrayal after betrayal and lie after lie we accept it , thinking that we are still with oour sweet men that we fell in love with ..but truth is that , the guy that we fell in love with left long time agooooooo.... and wee just havent noticed....
in my case i thought i still had my sweet,shy guy that introduced me to his family and couldnt stop talking about marriage and our future.... but in reality it was a liar that keep secrets and was physically, and emotionally abusing me... bringing me down and trying to make me feel as smaalll as an ant..... but after i guess the final straw i snapped out of it..... he told me that i had to accpet that he was going over other women appartment( as friends) and i couldnt stop him..... i snappped because he had promised not to do it and he openly told me that he did and will continue and does not regret lying to me at all..... at that point i snapped.. and even though he nor me broke it off , i knew it was over and yes i do still love him with all my heart , i now know that i fell in love with the person i thought i knew in the past and the sweet loving guy that is no more... its a said reality but after soooo many times of getting put through this...( with these 6 years being the breaking point) i cant trust another man... its trully sad but true.......
and as a woman it hurts even more that he didnt even fight for me.... he just gave me up like nothing... so 6 years and countless tears i end here with a broken heart and infinite time to heal... with sscars being part of my outer sheelll forver and memories that burn through my mind of what could have been but never will be again or maybe never was..
hi my husband cheated 11 years ago he left me twice for the same person after id had our 3 baby, then through fb i caught him texting and phoning two women in destroyed and cant get over what hes done how can i move on from this
How do I get out of bed? This man used me in every way possible to get him divorced and rich just so he could go with drug addict number two with all of his money intact and take care of her goat brood and filthy home. Why did he cry every time he saw me and I him and spend hours planning our future together? He is somehwhere working and laughing and I am paralzyed here in bed. See Above. I need some real advice.
Adele, you are the one who gave love, kept your vows, persisted in loving. You are brave and noble. Be the queen of this experience. Please get up and get dressed as a first step. That's all you need to do today.
gawd! maybe if something isnt working, BOTH could do something about it!
first of all you're sooooo wrong!!!!! the fact that you say "cheaters cheat" and saying that is the end of the line and that they will always cheat is so wrong. you cannot judge someone like that! my best friend (a guy) cheated on his girlfriend with just a kiss. all they did was kiss and he was drunk when it happened. i hadn't seen anyone beat themselves up as much as he did. his girlfriend found out and dumped him and he tried anything and everything to win her back, he promised her so many things and by the way he acted i am positive that he would have kept every promise. He has been broken up with that girl for over a year now and hasn't even talked to another girl in a dating kind of way since. he was so heart broken from his own mistake that he barely smiles. he really hurt that girl and he knew how badly he hurt her and he was disgusted with himself. its been over a year and he still feels terrible about what he did. so don't say that a cheaters always a cheater!!!!!! not everyone that cheats stays a cheater.
My boyfriend of 2and ahalf years cheated on me when i was 7 months pregnant it completely destroyed my life i was so hurt and torn up about the whole thing but so confused because i was having his child never once did i think my bestfriend could have hurt me in such away. ..in the begining when i suspended something if was checking his facebook msgs and phone until one night there it was messages from some girl i called her and explained who i was and we met up the following day to find out this girl was a friend of mine from my teen years i was so embarrassed i was hurt and didn't understand how she didn't realize who he was as she seen him in front of my house multiple times even though i treated her with respect and never blamed her for a thing she went around spreading nasty rumours about my bf it made me so upset that she would do something like that even though we were friends and agreed to keep our business personal now to this day im still with him changed for him catered to him and yet i feel like he's done nothing for me to show me he's willing to change he still msgs other women inappropriate things and tends to take off with out calling for days i've just about come to all i can take i just don't know how to end a relationship i've built my whole life around
funny thing was I knew my husband was suffering from low self esteem when I married him. Stupid me didn't even think to be running the other way because people who need constant attention and praise really do need constant attention and praise. And there is no way one person can be all to someone that needy EVER! SO FORGET IT PEOPLE!. I must say I have learned so much recently and still have much to know. That need to know I thought was need to know about him and who he did his thing with. But it's not. I learned it's a need for me to know ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT ME! And what I did know about me was great too. I know I want everyone bullshit out of my life! Even if I get two more years eft here on this earth. I am going to have a day when I am living a life I want and find fulfilling for me. Screw the game players! Being happy is a serious thing to me! Great article! I give it a 11 on a scale of 1-10.
Hey Adele :) I just wanted to say no matter how excruciating and painful life may seem right now, the pain will recede. Life is always changing and unpleasant memories and hurts slowly fade away. I know sometimes it can be hard to let go even when are own well-being depends on it. But life always get's better. It has to.
I have been working with Dr. Messiah for the 4th time and again all my wishes came through in a matter of days. This time my problems were love related and I never imagined that magic could fix it. This service is really great and since I had everything coming through again (for the 4th time) I really felt I should leave a message here. I normally don't like doing this. Anyway, you should give this service a whirl, freemercytemple@yahoo.com it really works great.
Great site. Thank you all. Didn't realise there were so many cheaters out there. Makes me feel like I don't want to go into a relationship ever again. Partner of 22 years having a textual relationship with a work colleague. He had a nervous breakdown over it saying that he thought he was in love with her, but the psych said it was an obsession. Came to a head when she moved on and found someone else (again at work) with whom she is going out. However, has the texting stopped. NO! You are right about the lack of something within these people. It seems as though it is a mutual ego stroking affair. But, if he cared for me, he would see how much this was hurting me and should stop for that reason alone. Has told me he has on numerous occasions that he has, but it always starts up again. She shouldn't be wanting to text someone if she is in a relationship either, but I think it is for the same reason, they both like to have the other person tell them how wonderful they are. I don't know if the relationship ever got physical, but it doesn't matter as the betrayal is just that; a betrayal - physical or otherwise. Anyway, he doesn't know it yet, but I am going. As he is a police officer I have to ensure I have a good exit strategy and I am in the process of doing that. I have been to a solicitor, changed my will, and am making sure that I will be ok financially. She only works part-time, has two girls, one of whom is autistic. She is now going out with an inspector of police and said in a text to him how she is the talk of the police station. Well she will be soon... when I dump his clothes on her footpath. Wonder what her inspector will think then. One good turn deserves another. My partner was ill and I know he tried to stop, but she keeps texting and then he responds eg "I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything Ok? Are you alright?" He obviously is not strong enough to resist. Think he actually likes having her ask about him. And it makes him fell like a big man to say things like, "Are you Ok? If you or the girls want anything, just let me know". He doesn't even help me carry the groceries upstairs. Then the icing on the cake, he bought her a birthday present and I got nothing....zilch. Well, he can have her permanently now, but he won't have me. That is going to hurt him very hard financially as he moved into my house all those years ago and then we bought his parents a house, so now he has to find somewhere else to live and he has to pay me out for half of the house his parents are in. Imagine, paying rent and paying off a house. As you can see, sometimes I think he is only with me because of the financial gain and he is waiting for her to finish with the inspector (she has been married twice and has had numerous boyfriends) and then he thinks it will be him and her with me at home. Is he in for a rude awakening. Good luck to you all, but make you own luck too. I intend to.
Thank you for all the women that shared they're painfull stories.. Im ashamed to even say ive bn in a very unhealthy relationship for 6 years ive never fealt so much pain and heartache in my life.. I couldn't tell you how many times he's cheated on me, he's been with his babys mom the whole time weve been together, he keeps promising me he would change but of course hasnt. Ive bn driving myself crazy trying to b detective for the last 6 years. For the last 6 years ive been trying to figure out why he would cheat on me? I always had a very good self esteem I used to even think I was beautiful.. but not anymore. Now I look in the mirror and see all my wrinkles and my weight... What did I do wrong? Not cook or clean enough? Not dress up enough? Not skinny enough? I changed my hair color, cut it, dress different , etc.... Nothing was gd enough for him because he still cheats on me. he travels for work at least once a month always takes some random girl...I can go on and on of how many times hes hurt me.. I recently found out he has his ex pregnant, so now he has 3 kids with her. Ive been depressed, suicidal, I made him my life.. I have alot of friends and family that Love me but I still manage to push everyone away and give him 110% of my attention. I dont know if its because I recently turned 30 but IM TIRED OF EVERYTHING... I PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DONE. IM READY TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. I just started seeing a therapist thats helping me see past FIDEL. I gave him 6 yrs of my life. My 20s. I have a beautiful 14 yr old daughter (previous relationship) that needs me more than anyone. I don't want to cry in front of her anymore. I pray to God Please God help! Give me strength to leave him and never look back. Ple
@ Rosalie:
There are some problems in your story, and I suggest you consider hard before you carry out the details of the scheme you describe. I think it is right for you to leave your husband, the sooner and swifter the better, and that it in fact will be a relief to you both.
But think real hard about HOW you want to do it: The man has already had a nervous breakdown, you tell us - and still you want to carry out a revenge on him? Consider showing mercy to an ill man. Nervous breakdowns can be life-threatening, and it is not always obvious to the surroundings before it is too late.
I understand that being cheated on is very painful - I have experienced it myself - but cultivating revenge and spite will only make things much worse for yourself.
Further, I am not at all sure that you have been cheated of anything. You describe only texting - verbal communication - and the messages you refer are indistinguishable from those of a true friendship. OF COURSE your man is soothed by someone asking kindly if he is OK, and being concerned about his well-being. Any human being is, and if one has a breakdown, such small words of kindness can mean the difference between suicide and survival. It is as simple as that. If you grudge the man such comfort in a time of emotional pain, then it seems as if you do not love him one bit. Do you really believe that him sharing friendship with another person takes anything away from you? Several of my best friends are of the opposite sex, and never have their partners, nor mine, grudged this. There has been mutual trust - which is essential in a relationship - so that we have been able to even sleep over at our friends' houses, or travelling together, without anyone ever thinking that this was a threat. Nor has it ever turned into one. Never has the border been crossed from a brother-sisterly relation and to a romantic/sexual one. The friendships have remained purely platonical, though emotionally intimate, and this have only strenghened all parties. I have also become friends with the spouses of my friends, and in that way everyone is a winner.
Of course there is a challenge to begin with in this, as everyone has to find their feet, but it IS possible if the people involved are emotionally sound, and then it is very heart-strenghtening and happiness-generating.
Also, you seem to be assuming a lot about your husband's text relationship, and do not hesitate in naming it an unconditional betrayal. BUT - have you considered, that if it is only friendship, then you have contributed to destroying something most valuable?
You do write that your man thought he was in love with the woman. Yes, he may have been. But even that is not in itself a crime. It would be if he started an actual love relationship without ending the relationship with you first - crossing the border between emotional friendship and into erotical and romantic declarations or acts. I cannot see you saying that he has. Instead, you write - about the fact that the man is still texting, i.e. SPEAKING with the woman:
"if he cared for me, he would see how much this was hurting me and should stop for that reason alone."
Do you really believe that a person in a relationship should cut off all his friendships with anyone of the opposite sex? And do you really believe that it is a sound thing to demand of another person? I think that demanding this from someone will unavoidably damage the love capacity of the relationship itself.
I am sorry to say this, but thinking in this way signals being controlled by envy and jealousy, and these highly destructive states normally happen where there is no real love in a relationship. Your uncharitable attitude towards your husband, too, seems to demonstrate that you do not love him. So how can you presume to demand something from him that you yourself have not to give? You chide the two you envy for "telling each other how wonderful they are". But that is an important part of any real friendship or love relationship. To strenghten each other by joyful and heartfelt admiration. Would you not be happy if someone reacted that way to you?
But consider that you will not be able to experience this as long as you fill your heart with spite and revenge. If you have no charity for the two people you seem to plan to publicly humiliate and financially backstab just for the hell of it, then have charity on yourself.
As a preparation for having a more successful relationship next time (yes, I do not think you should give up altogether on love, but instead kindle the hope in your heart that one day YOU will meet someone who can tell you you are wonderful. It IS possible). You obviously envy them because you wish for the same thing. And no wonder - we all need this.
But to be properly prepared for receiving such a love in a way that does not destroy it, you MUST let go of spite and envy and revenge. These things are born out of a fundamental doubt about your own lovability. And acting on such feelings WILL make you less loveable and less "wonderful". So don't go in that direction. Take heed of the warning, for remember: You can get rid of your husband, but never of yourself.
Instead, try hard to be honest and calm when you approach your husband with the news that you are going - and, if you in any way can muster the strength to - be CHARITABLE to him. By this, I mean - do not say or do hurtful things, though it may be almost unbearably tempting, do not, of course, backstab him or make theatrical gestures like that with the clothes on the footpath. Come on... You are planning to punish the woman for having written him questions like "are you allright?" She may not even understand the hint, and you will only make yourself look ridiculous instead of leaving in a dignified way.
As things are now, you are very unhappy, and obviously should free yourself from this unbearable situation. But take care not to hurt yourself even more along the way.
Some final thoughts concerning the - as it seems to me - central problem of distrust in your relationship:
Obviously, you have no faith in your husband, since you suspect him of only staying for the money. There is nothing to build on between you, then. Nothing will ever be good in a relationship without trust. And it is good that you have had the strength to look that squarely in the eye, and prepare to take the consequence and leave. Many women don't. Kudos for that.
Another thought concerning the distrust: It worries me that you have read the text messages at all. How did that happen? Has he shown them to you, and was he pressured to do so - or have you actually spied on him? This I consider a serious violation in a relationship. Few things can destroy trust better. It, too, is a betrayal. (But hopefully that wasn't how you got to the text. Forgive me for the thought if unjustified.)
I think it might be a good idea to be 100 % honest to your husband and tell him what you are thinking. Calmly, not spitefully or in other ways emotional. Hard to do, I know! But if you can tame the green-eyed monster and actually meet him in honesty, being what you are - including with your hurt feelings and sorrow, but not attemting to push him in any direction, simply telling and asking for truth - you might get a much clearer idea than you have now of where he is and how he relates to you. It could make the separation a much better experience for both of you.
Good luck, and be real careful, for I think that right now, your worst potential enemy is yourself.
PS: That he and she are still texting, though she is in a new relationship, rather strenghtens the probability that their relation is only a platonic and pefectly honest friendship.
That makes it sadder still, even perverse, that you hope to damage also the woman's present romance with the inspector, by placing the clothes to indicate she is cheating on him. Which it does not seem that she is. "One good turn deserves another"??? I cannot see she has done anything to you at all! Your husband even went into therapy because he was feeling guilty about having warm feelings for her! How many husba
I never thought he would cheat, we are married with two beautiful children and broke my whole world...he promised he would do what I'd takes to make it right...counselings and doing extra stuff for the guilt he has from it and trying to pray about it...but the pain is there with evey touch, kiss, smile...thought...it's been more then a year and I cringe at the thought that he was so weak that he tripped up...how can a man call himself a man and be so weak...I am still so hurt...we are still trying to move on but I don't know if I can continue...
After you read all these threads, you can be sure of one thing....the propensity to cheat is character flaw with psychological underpinnings. Of course, I have to share my story with you because that is how we all heal and learn. I just broke up with my BF of 3 years and I wish I had done it a long time ago. After one year, a Chinese woman who spoke broken English called me and told me that he was HER BF. He explained that was his previous GF (when he was MARRIED to his wife Denise...red flag #1, ignored)and that he was getting rid of her but I would have to be patient. Then he sneaked around behind my back for another year with her and then got to the point where he said they were "just friends". However, I caught her at his house one night (and I kicked her ass out) and then I caught him at her apartment another night. Although he had the smile of an angel, he was a black-hearted devil and I'm glad he's GONE. Ladies...never take them back after the first deceit. It's a revolving door. Find a good man who deserves you!
I am a woman scorned. The first time my husband cheated on me was with a friend of ours. My husbands coworkers girl friend. He had to quit a good paying job least he get face bashed in on a regular bases...but I wasn't strong enough to leave. We have a child and I have one from a former marriage that ended because that husband cheated and got another girl pregnant. My husband has had other woman that I have caught him comunicating with on the phone. The phone has beebs huge issue for us and is worse now that he has a hand held computer. I am not on the account so I can't check up on the records. He keeps it with a lock screen because that is how I busted him before. He never puts down his phone anyways. He will sleep with it in his pocket sometime and wake up when it vibrates in the night. He is constantly txting when he is home. There have been times that he has gone outside to his truck to talk. He is a truck driver by profession but I am not allowed in it. He hides the keys or keeps them on him.
I say all this to restate the obvious ..all ways a cheater. Some of them just get better at it as the years go by.
He knows he has me in his dept. I have no acsses to his bank account. I have to ask for every dime I spend. I have no income because I have been denied my disability. Oh yeah. I have a debilitating terminal illness. I am fully dependent on him. Everything is in his name. I feel I have no where to go. No money.No car in my name. Last time I questioned him about how he was making me think that something was going on. He took my phone so I had not contact with anyone who I could reach out to. I have no computer so my phone is my only life line.
I left to care for my father after his heart surgery. He told everyone I left him. Refused to transfer money into my account for my Rx and funds to care for our son.
I truly think he does not want to be in this relationship but won't let me leave with his son. When my older son became old enough to understand what was going on, I sent him to live with his father. He may have knocked his wife up while he was still married to me but he is still with her after 12years and 2I kids later. He is a better role model if you can understand that. It hurt my child to see me unhappy. I hate to see how this is going to mess up my younger so and how he learns to treat the woman he will have in his life.
I know I have a long road to haul. You would think he could just wait tell I'm dead. Then he can do whatever it is he is up to. Maybe I will never learn the truth.
Hi I just really really need some advice here right now, i found out my husband has been cheating on me couple weeks ago. were in a long distance relationship ,this is the first time he cheated on me and ive been cheated on. I found out that he got back with his former gf without me knowing but i find that out no matter how much he hide.And even planning to live in together. I was very shock,upset, angry,depressed,devastated, and even to commit suicide, i was confined at the hospital. It so hard to breath everytime i think that the person whos suppose to be mine is sleeping with someone else. By then my family make him believe that i died from commiting suicide and his miserable right now.. I jst want him to regret what he did, i want him to feel what i felt,i wnt him to realize that i died because of his SIN, the pain that cause him knowing that i died is not even enough with the pain that he cause me.Even if he knows im still alive he will still choose to be with this girl. I devoted my whole to tht person but just then ill just find out hes dating his former gf, while im here alone and empty. Was it wrong for me to make him believe that i died?
I don't agree that "cheating" is a personality flaw. Sometimes cheating does happen in the heat of the moment, and is not premeditated (not that I'm condoning it, but I also don't believe it makes them a demon). If a person was addicted to drugs or alcohol and beat the addiction through counseling, are you still going to quarantine and stay away from the person because their addiction is a 'personality flaw'? How is cheating any different? I'm also sensing that this was kind of a feminist approach to men cheating.
Thanx for this eye opener!!!! Yhaa it is vert hurtful and sad to find out that some1 you love is cheating on you!!
He cheated on me several times but still with him because i love him, i always thought he would change, i put all my energy and my everything to this relationship but tja yesterday he slept with another woman.
Soo pissed.................
Has anyone of you ladies asked a man why he cheats?
of course we ask...but all they ever do is blame us...or stress....or money problems...or the house not being clean enough....or arguing too much....or one excuse or the other. But not once do they ever accept responsibility for their actions...always so quick to put the blame on someone or something else. So what good does asking do? There will never be an honest answer, so why torture ourselves?
Cheating certainly is a personality flaw. If the person has an addiction to sex, that is one thing that would have been obvious in a relationship, trust me. But when you're with someone for years, and the sex goes away, the personality changes, the habits change, the nights away get more and more, the scents you don't recognize appear, the stories start to get confused....then it's not an addiction...it's a LIE. It's something that is PURPOSEFULLY being hidden from the other partner. This is not an addiction, this is cowardice and guilt and a complete lack of respect for the other person to end the relationship to spare the heart, pride and feelings of the other person. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT'S A WOMAN OR A MAN....cheating is inexcusable and unforgivable. Sex addiction is a problem to work through with your partner. There is a BIG difference. You would not have thought this article were "feminist" had the author written about androgynous subject. No, cheating does not automatically make someone a "demon", it does however make them disrespectful, dishonest and disgusting. Who knows what that person could be doing to endanger the people he's lying to.
This is so true! I was married for 8 years to a military guy and we had 3 kids. I didnt find out he was cheating on me till I was already pregnant with my 2nd child. I too went crazy looking for evidence and boy did I find some! It was random woman, ex girlfriends, and what not. So, I packed my bags and left with my kids. He deployed eventually and had a year to think about his mistakes or so I thought. I took him back for the children and I believed him when he swore never to do it again. To make a long story short he never changed! He cheated on me again when I was pregnant with my 3rd child he thought I wouldn't leave him cause I told him how important it was to me that my kids have a family! I just want to say to woman that have kids with these type of people don't stay because of your children trust me you and them will be better off. So after years of torment and humiliation I moved on for good! It's not really our fault they cheat. For a while I thought it was me. So I got so fit, and did everything he asked for in bed, so that he wouldn't go looking elsewhere but it was a waist of my time! I left him for good and it was the hardest thing I had ever done I loved this man deeply. Also stayed with him for so long cause my mother had me convinced that all man were cheaters might as well stay with the father of your children. But this isn't the case at all there is good man out there in this world!
A year and a half later after moving away with my kids. I met this great guy that I have been with for a little over 2 years. He excepted my children and is even a better father than my ex! He is way better than my ex at everything. He even cooks for me (never has a man done that for me before!) He also had been cheated on by his wife. We both had similar stories and he too has kids. We are doing great even though we are both traumatized from being cheated on and scared it will happen again. We both work on it everyday together to get through it. We now have a baby together!
I can honestly say I found my soulmate!
As for my ex he still calls and emails me trying to get back with me. Lol Lady's and gentleman it does get better! Cheaters in my case don't change they just get worse.
Worst advice I have ever, ever read. So pathetic. Nothing is ever as black & white. You're a ruinous person and you're advice is awful and not unlike a toddler.
When the Messiah spells started working for me i knew and see the changing which my wife has developed, i knew i had turn to a genuine spell caster for good help for him making me seeing the result. I had been thinking on what to do to make my lovely one come back to me. The messiah spells had not failed because of experience and the changes which i am seeing, i knew i will see real help from Messiah Spells. Review spells and a similar situation. john had learn t the hard way, but you don't need to suffer like me contact him for help freemercytemple@yahoo.com he will assist you on what to do to bring your lover back to you!
The posting from7 weeks ago by a woman named Carrie sounds like it could have come from the womwn my husband had an affair with. The womans middle name is even Carrie. My husband started cheating on me & I had no idea what so ever. We have 4 year old twins. Supposedly he told her that we were separated etc. Of course none of that was true. After a couple of months with her he did move out but he said there wasnt another woman just that he was stressed & needed space. It was crazy, I still didnt know anything was going on, he was coming over everyday & we were actually having more sex then before he moved out. He kept telling me how much he loved me & how beautiful I am & he couldnt keep his hands off me. So I believed that he was just needing some time & we would be fine. He would say when hed come over it was to see the kids but he wouldnt spend time with them, hed just be all over me so I knew he missed me. I finally found out he was cheating on me & that he was actually living with this other woman. She was spending alot of money on him. He was bragging to all his friends about the truck she was going to buy him & how she was going to take him to Europe, he was driving her sportscar everywhere & telling people it was his. He filed for divorce & even then kept telling me it would never be over with us. When I initially found out he was living with her his reason was that financially it was easier for him. He doesnt have a real job now, he works for her when she needs him to. She supports him. I dont feel sorry for her because when I first found out who she was I spoke to her & opened my heart up to her & asked her as a wife & mother to please end it & give my family a chance but she didnt. So I guess shes bought him & wants her moneys worth & he is trash who sold himself because he doesnt care about the pain hes put his own children through just so he can have material possesions. He has even been with 4 other women since he started his relationship with her. Just recently he was talking to a friend of both of ours who didnt know he left me & he was bragging about his rich girlfriend & how he doent work. Someday they will both be miserable because what goes around comes around. I have a friend who knows of her too because my friends husband used to be a bartender & she would spend lots of $$ on him & she doesnt care if the men are married or not. As long as they both stay the hell away from me & my babies Im fine. I know he will continue to cheat on her & she will continue to pay for his services so if thats the sick life they like then good for them.I just wish hed quit still trying to control me & just go away!!!
I have a boyfriend who cheated on me and I have no idea what to do. He said it happened a month ago and he came clean about it because he said he felt horrible for doing it. And all he says is that if he does it again he doesent deserve another chance which I agree too.. But I love this boy and it's so hard to trust him. I mean he cheated on me with my so called best friend. They both have their own sides to the story but I rather belive the one who dident hide it. And the one who is not a constant lier. So I'm not sure how to build this trust back. We where four days from our first year together. He cheated from pictures rather then phisical activity but it hurts just as much. I want to trust him again but I'm not sure if that will ever happen when Im so worried he will do it again. It was supposedly his first time cheating so I'm giving him another chance. I wish I could just relax a little and enjoy it untill I may have to make the decision to leave him. I can't say he won't change but I can't say he will either...
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I've been dating this man for almost a yr now and recently I've found out he's been talking to other women since we've started dating...he's been telling them things like he loves them misses them and would rather be with them and that he doesn't want to be with me but yet he was still with me...soon enough the txt messages showed where he has been to these peoples house n where he's been calling them multiple times a day. Then when I confronted him about it his only answer was "you act like I'm fucking these people" truthfully he didn't have to he had done too much already...but none the less it was obvious that he did....and yet I still love him so much. So as stupid as I am I stayed and I write this laying beside him in bed...increasingly I'm starting to think its time to leave even though I don't want to...like its been said a cheater cheats and that fact is never changing
When you "take back" a cheater you are allowing him (or her) to get away with it with no repercussions, and without repercussions he or she will keep on cheating. They'll think it's okay until they meet a partner with the self-respect to dump them after one cheat. And no taking back. If you love a cheater the most loving thing you can do is dump him/her. It will teach them that there are some people they can't manipulate.
I have a fiance who I have been with for 8 years. We had an affair for 2 yrs. I made the mistake of leaving my husband for him because we knew each other for a long time. He wormed his way into my heart, and I thought this is going to be trouble. Still, I did it because I was in love with him when we were younger. I cannot forgive myself for what I did and how I thought we were in love etc. We ended up moving in together and have been together since then and engaged for 2+ years. I have my child and he has his children. It's been hell with just that portion of our lives. Still, I shouldn't have moved into together because he has cheated on me since DAY 1! With a gal from out of town, with a gal who he met at a pet store, with some nurse online which they exchanged nasty photos, etc., with a high school girlfriend is lives out of town and is also married, with now for the last 5 years a gal whom he had a four-some with and a full blowm affair behind my back all this time. i confronted him with ALL of these and each time he came up with MASTERFUL lies. After a while, I couldn't stand it, I decided, I want to feel what he feels. I hated myself for that because it wasn't right, but it was almost retaliatory. We were not engaged at that point, but I thought, enough is enough. I need to find a person who will love me and be true to me. It only went on for a month, because my conscious wouldn't allow me to go further. It haunted me. So, I thought, he must be pretty sick-minded to get through the day and each conversation with me. I started listening more to his excuses, his accounting of where he was, etc., and I would say, tell me again, and the story would change! It was so obvious that he was a pathological liar. When I would call him on the line about it, he would make me out to be crazy. Our phone records showed him texting the latest gal and the married gal at least 700-1000 texts in a month's bill. During the day, he wouldn't text me back for so long that I would text back saying helloo! He'd say sorry, so busy. After looking at the bill, he just blew me off for the texting he was doing with the 2 and 3 gals. How the hell did he get ANY work done!!!! To this moment, he confessed having a "friendship" with the gal who lives down the street and now works down the street from his office. Oh, how convenient! Seriously?? When I work an hour away. He's confident I'll never find out. It sucks because I know everything anyway. I found out and he confessed to "having a friendship" I said you CANNOT HAVE A FRIENDSHIP with someone you have a love affair with and a four-some with while we have been together all this time. She is a plain jane teacher who cannot get a man at all. She has no eyebrows! and I feel ugly because she is having his atttention. So, I broke up our engagement with him and he BEGGGEDD ME BACK and said he couldn't lose me and that he would FIGHT FOR ME. But lo and behold two weeks later, he's back seeing her. She's pushing her way into him again and he's not saying NO. This whole forum is about CHEATERS. I know I cheated, but it was with him. I've known him for my whole life. We have connections. It's not right. I have remorse, I have guilt, I have the ability to NEVER DO that to another person because it feels so AWFUL. It's like a wound that never heals because someone keeps stabbing that wound and opening it up to bleed again. PEOPLE: These are serial cheaters who have major phychological issues. They are narcissists, bi-polar, pathological liars, who have no touch with reality and have a major inability to be accountable for their actions and how they impact others. It's borderline sociopathic. We get sucked back into their kind words of love. They know how to work it with us and we melt. BIG MISTAKE. Love is not about this magical thinking. It's about mutual respect and real honest to goodness core values. Their addictions are "love addictions" or sex addiction, but an addiction nevertheless. They need therapy to find out their insecurities and heal themselves. Like a drug addict or an alcoholic goes to rehab, these people have to as well. We cannot enable them any longer. It's tough love for those who are cheater on. Get the strength. God knows I am still gathering it.
damn i'm totally agreed with that so a cheater is a cheater there is nothing you can do to change the fact so i spent eight years in a relationship i was happy sometimes but the most important thing i'd loved her so much and she felt the same way too i gave everything i had just for us to be happy the first time we met she was 13 and i was 12 we were so young and stupid but after 3 years we started to know what is good for us,what to do to make ourselves happy and lives better last summer we went for a vacation in her family wow i wish i'd never go there she did all crazy thing disrespected me infront of her friends and others bad things so after the vacation i saw an email on her account who said to an other she loved him
Maybe if the spouse would spice things up in the bedroom, he wouldnt go around cheating. Live up to your half of the marriage
So "pimping" person.... what happens when a person does everything and is good looking and would make any man proud and the partner spouse, husband, wife, fiance, BF GF or whoever STILL cheats??? This is not about what the other half is doing. I know plenty of people who do everything and are AMAZING so it's not that, it's a sickness, like an alcholic loser. IT'S A CHARACTER FLAW. They didn't get enough love from their mother, father, or their parents did it, so they learned it from them, or they were really insecure in high school, and couldn't get the girls, and so have to prove it to themselves or others they can "pull" .... bottom line it's Bulls**t !
It'll be a cold day in hell before cooking meals and keeping some guys fruit of the looms Spring Time Fresh are my priorities...hoping like hell the whole time that he's not lying to my face and out dipping his wick wherever he wants to, perhaps bring me home a disease he caught from some skank, at my age. There are DEFINITELY worse things in life than being alone!!
My wife tell me about this spiritual doctor MESSIAH freemercytemple@yahoo.com she told me how she contacted this temple for help. About eight (8) months ago I was involved in an accident in which unfortunately someone died. As a result of this I was arrested, and I did not have rights for bail. Everything was against me, the proofs, the witnesses, the District Attorney. I was facing from 15 to 20 years in prison. All my hopes were gone, but my wife Rose contacted DOCTOR MESSIAH, and told him explained our problem. She said Doctor Messiah immediately sent her the package with instructions to follow on how to get the spell cast. After two (2) weeks of casting the spell everything started to change, attorneys, and the jury started to be more open about the circumstances of how the accident happened. In conclusion, I just was sentenced to 106 hours of community service, and not 15 years in prison. Thanks to doctor Messiah of the freemercytemple.
very great post dear i do agree with u ... i faced this with whom i relay love and try always to let her know what she think is not right ..even i gave many prove for her but cant accept ...
Man I wish this post was around several yrs ago when I first started noticing 'suspicious' behavior from my husband. We are now separated but he is 'fighting for us' and is desperate to get me back. Sad thing is that I am actually considering it, no decision yet but cant seem to fully let go... It hasn't been discussed much on here but it is really much more complicated when there are children involved. He seems v remorseful and his behaviour has done a 180 wrt the kids and responsibilities. I know he has not kept his promises before but I am tempted to give it one last try. I guess my best advice for those of you who have been cheated on is to get the hell out before you have kids with this man (or woman)!! Otherwise depending on your custody arrangement you are stuck having to deal with them on a regular basis. Not exactly a clean break.... GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
What do you do when you come home and there is a note that says "I am on a date, sorry that I am such a creep", and then have your woman come home at 4 AM saying she "fell asleep". And that she is fucking this asshole because it is "good for our relationship". Yes, this really happened. Women cheat too, and they come up with the most incredible bullshit to justify it.
My life exsperiences have taught me something a bit differrant than this article. You cannot lump all the cheaters of the world into 1 box & say that all cheaters are exactly alike that they are all serial cheaters, that every single 1 cheater will definatly cheat more than once or that once a cheater always a cheater is true of everyone. people do make genuine mistakes. It's not always nessecery to dump a cheater on the premise that if u stay with them you are letting them get away with cheating. I have been married going on 5 yrs. I & my husband had been very close friends for 6 yrs before we even had our 1st date. I had just left a very bad relationship when we started ours, I still have alot I am working through from that bad relationship. I explained to my now husband that I had some serious trust problems stemming from EX, that I had a bad habbit of snooping through the persons I'm dateing things. I had done so for many yrs with my ex ,,cheating wasnt really the problem with ex, sure it was a concern at a few points in our 8 yr relationship,but I actually neve found any evidence of it cheating but he had drug problems & $$ spedning problems along with NOT takeing his prescribed meds problems,, my now husband told me that I was welcome 2 snoop through anything he owned whenever I felt like it. He told me he had nothing 2 hide so if going through his stuff helped me feel better until I had worked it out at therapy to please go right ahead. This man had been my friend through many hard points in my life for 6 yrs. We don't have alot of $ but he has done everything he can to make me happy from day 1.I have some pretty painful med issues that are only going to get worse , he was only 23 when we started dateing & even though he sometimes has to lift me out of bed in the mornings & take me to the potty ,,my pain is so bad sometimes that even with meds I cant get around,, he has not once complained or ever let me feel like all that he does for me is even the tineyest inconveinence to him. He is a sweet & kind romantic.
& he cheated on me 2x, once about 6 mths b4 our wedding, once around a yr later, we are now at almost 5 yrs married.
I discovered that he was cheating when I was doing some snooping. I couldnt understand because he was so committed to me & our relationship, he did so much for us, He cried when he admitted to what he had done. We started seeing a therapist, speant ALOT of time working on us & rebuilding trust & boundaries. It turned out my husband is a sex addict. He was repeatedly molested as a small child, & when he was 14 he had a 16 yr old GF who was more exsperienced than him. She wanted to have sex with him ,,he was physically the size & looks of a 16 or 17 yr old & thanks to his hard working single mom was very mature for his age,, he was 14 though, & his mom had drilled it into his head that sex=responsibility & it's only for when you are really in-love, at 14 he the 1 thing he really knew was that he didnt want to have responsibilitites, so he told his girlfriend repeatedly that he didnt want 2 start haveing sex until he was older & in love ,,he is a HOPELESS romantic,, so she took him to a party & started handing him booze & pushing him to keep drinking, she got him really, really drunk & then convenced him to have sex with her. I know that sounds odd because normally we here about men doing that to women, but it's true. If a boy got a took a younger, less exsperienced girl to a part & fed her drinks until she was to drunk to think rationally, & she had repeatedly turned him down while she was sober, & he then had sex with her while she was completly drunk,even if she participated because she was drunk it would be called rape, I think it's still rape no matter who was the girl & who was the boy in the incident. He didn't know what to do when he sobered up & relized what had happened, parents dont really prepaire boys what to do in these types of situations, he was depressed but stayed with her not knowing what to do, she dumped him 2 weeks later. He never tried to resolve any of that until our problems. He has a pretty bad anxiety disorder, sex & all things sex related calm him down when he has an anxiety attack & has a seriously overactive sex drive
He now takes everyday to lower his sex drive & for depression & anxiety. We invested alot of time & effort into talking/working through this. we have been together & seperatly to a therapist, worked on behaviour modification for him. It's been & will be a long road, he is addicted to sex but he can't just be abstinent the rest of his life like he would be if he had a chemical dependance, & that would be easier in some ways, to refrain altogther instead of learning balance. I have a wonderful husband. I truely, honestly have forgiven him, I know he is sorry & never meant to hurt me & he is doing everything he can to be a better healthier person.
Sometimes it is OK to forgive & give the relationship a chance ,,if u want too,, sometimes people do make mistakes, sometimes they have a deeper problem.
i just found out my husband of 10 years got with a prostitute. i am leaving him. once a cheater always a cheater. people are telling me to forgive him but i can't find a place in my hurt to even trust him again. what do you think?
How i got over the break up, is listen to break up songs..they really do help especially songs like Jamelia sings "thankyou" or "Im not missing you" from Stacie orrico. I kicked his arse to the Kerb when i found out my partner was cheating. I didn't notice anything i was too busy with the children,. Me and kids deserve sooooo much better.
Love don't justify the fact of been with somebody that clearly doesn't love you, the one who loves doesn't cheat... Have dignity, for good sake!
Hi ladies
I really need some advice here. My husband of 2years and father of our 1 year old daughter is bisexual...I found out a month before our daughter was born. He has fantasies about men and has met up with one guy off graigslist that I know of. I have been copeing with this for too long. I have found no strategy that has brought me any peice of mind. I have resorted to considering revenge..I know cheating is wrong I just don't know what else to do. I want him to know how it feels. In a way I just want someone to reassure me I'm still attractive sexually. All the lies and truths I've heard from his mouth will forever scare me and the way I view everyone around me. My husband is a great person but I can't help thinking its all a mask, underneath is the ugly munipulative liar he has been. I want to believe I know him but do we ever really know our spouse? I sometimes believe he is only with me to seem "normal" as his parents are catholic and would never except his gay tendancies. I want to believe I love him but how can I love someone who won't show me who they truley are....idk anymore. If he is bisexual he will eventually want dick again. Right? I don't want to be around for that day when he breaks. I just can't bring myself to move out, my daughter needs a normal life with a father and mother in the same roof. I'm afraid if I leave he will be with men and as shallow as it sounds I don't want our daughter to see him with other men....
Someones oppinion please
Coryna
i felt i dont know what to do having communication with my ex boyfried every day just to satisfy myself of missing him but im not happy anyway im afraid with my actions telling me that he loves me but i know he still has a girl friend that he told me they are not already connected by i dout it ... i want to hide from him find myself and go on with my life but i dont know how but i think that the best for me.
relationshps are troubles i used to think maybe am the only 1 facing horour problem in my relationship en 2day am suprised how many woman are suffering bcaus of men
cheaters cheat because they are selfish children. It is no different a 5 year old throwing a fit because he cant eat ice cream at 8 in the morning or a 50 year old man screwing a slut because his wife wont let him get drunk every weekend. Cheaters are selfish babies that act out in arrogance. They are weak and they lack effective coping skills. NEVER does a cheater say to themselves, "Well, I know I will probably destroy my family, wife and children, but my penis really needs to be massaged by that ridiculous slut so I am choosing misery for everyone just so I can have a happy penis." CHEATERS DO NOT CHOOSE TO CHEAT anymore than a male dog "chooses" to have sex with the neighborhood bitch dog that is in heat. They just physically respond with no thought to the damage that is certain to follow.
You know all you women are claiming once a cheater always a cheater... You are wrong.
I have once cheated on my fiance, it wasn't something she did wrong, although I blamed her, I got bored, and went elsewhere instead of handling my problems the right way. Before she became my fiance, I cheated on her once and I have never done it again, and its been a long loooooong while, and I still feel as though I don't want to cheat, I love her, am dedicated to her, and fortunate enough that she was strong enough to hold on and it rewarded her as well.
So for all yall who think once a cheater always a cheater, leaving doesn't make you any stronger than staying and forgiving. Now twice, is a different story, I did it once, and that was my last, and the worst mistake of my life.
I met a girl 3 months ago whom moved from Texas to Florida (where I live) roughly 4 months ago. We met when she came into my work, and I was extremely attracted to her from hello. She came to visit me several times at work after meeting me and we developed a friendship. I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out. Several days before we were supposed to go out she called me to tell me she's married but separated and asked if it changed my mind on going out. She said she was married for 5 years and found out her husband had an affair for 1.5 of them.
I didn't really know what to say, of course it was a shock, but I was still very interested in her. I am not a cheater, and also have strong morals that would typically keep me from touching this scenario. However, to me she's a dream girl gorgeous, highly educated and we have everything in common.
We went out several times, I was very reluctant to make a move because I would like reassurance that she is done with him before I play with fire. At the same time I began to really like the girl.
Recently I found out the guy has come back into the picture. I believe she is going to give him another chance, and trust me after finding this I plan to stay away and out of their business. But I can't help but wonder why she would contemplate giving this loser another try. I'm not hurt as I never got emotionally or really physically involved but my mind is just blown.
After getting to know several of her friends and family members I have found they all despise her "guy" . They all know he will hurt her again as soon as he "has her again" he seems to get off on this type of conquest. They all also really like me. My question is I feel like I have a chance to speak up and possibly prevent her from making a huge mistake should I???
Part of me feels I should because I'm not a close friend or family member and if I lose her so be it, I wasn't in her life before. I know guys and know she will get hurt, and she's a great girl and I don't want to see that happen.
At the same time I feel like I should stay as far away as possible, and not respond to her when she reaches out to me. I am a successful attractive young man with Tons of promise and have plenty of girls who are into me, but there is something about this one that I am caught up on.
Most of me feels I should move on because I don't need this drama. But of course a little piece of me feels I should speak up, because I've met a LOT of girls and truly none of them hold a candle to this one?
Thank you
Hi been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we have been totally happy, he really didn't seem the type to mess about, so i was never concerned he was. However only the other week he left his work phone at mine by mistake, don't really know why but i did look and its a good job i did. On there he had arranged to meet another girl in secret, you could tell from the texts she also had to be careful. tthere was one from a previous time so this was at least the second time he met her, he asked her if she fancied meeting for a quick BJ. When i had it out with him he said we all have friends and that i had male friends, told him he was not man enough to admit it, then he said he was low and depressed and his mate said he knew of a girl that would cheer him up and give him a BJ, so he said he didn't believe it and then texted her. But at the same time he was texting me from his private phone telling me he loved me. Since then he has tect sayuing he want me back, his sorry and loved me and really don't know why he did go but he said he walked away and didn't go through with it, I know this not to be true at least one of these times at least anyway. I asked if he touched her swore on his kids he did not. I do miss him, just cannot believe he could do that, not really sure whether i can trust him again or not, what do you think. He has always been so jealous of me and even in past almost accused me of wanting to see this band more than him, even started saying i put my mum first when i have gone out with her. Do you think he is trying to cover his own deceat.
i was cheated on by a guy i loved,i mastered the courage to leave him& have fallen bt got up and walked away .i feel so proud of myself for doing that and feel very empowered.
I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another man. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I threw away so much money - all for nothing - until I hit on the real thing. And that is him the Doctor Messiah email contact freemercytemple@yahoo.com . He was different from all the rest order of the spell casters. Thank him for me from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses you as much as He has blessed me.
I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another man. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I threw away so much money - all for nothing - until I hit on the real thing. And that is him the Doctor Messiah email contact freemercytemple@yahoo.com . He was different from all the rest order of the spell casters. Thank him for me from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses you as much as He has blessed me.
i have been through same trauma but i got my help from s spell caster that i met online and i sent to him the picture of me amd my husband and after 2days my husband came back to me just as he said it. you can also meet with him on great_olokun@priest.com
he is really a saviour
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ladies, as soon as your bf or husbands cheat leave them, they will realise then what have they done..i am talking that from experience, i have cheayed on my gf 4 times in four years.me problem wasnt in her it was in me. before her i was 3 years in relationship and i was hurt so i said to myself i ll never love again or trust anywoman, so i met my ex, she was a gift from god thats the only way i can explain her. even thoght i have reason why i v done that, i am still saying here there is no reason for cheatin and there is no point making excuses, all i know i will regret it for the rest of my life for hurting such a wonderfull human beeing. its been six months since we broke up and i still feel the pain and i miss her, god knows i do. she doesnt wanna hear me, she is completely ignoring me and i do t blame her, i just wish she finds somebody that can give her everything i havent. there is plenty to this story but i am at work so cant write all of it
I have been in love withe the same man for 16 years of my life. He and I have always ended coming to each other and have been through each others life in the good times and the bad. He is my best friend and i am able to confined in him with everything. He has always had girlfriends and has never been single. The times that i believed he was single we had a relationship just to later be confronted by the girlfriend at the time. I felt humiliated and stopped speaking to him. Our lives have a funny way of always colliding though. Recently i became single and so did he, we began a relationship and where very happy for a year and half. Recently he was sent to another state for training he told me that he did not do long distance relationships and i was crush. Since then we have kept a friendship in which we still share everything just as friend. He recently came home to visit and we went out and had a lot of fun. I suppose my hopes where up and maybe i was wrong. I recently discovered that he has a girlfriend and he had not mentioned it to me, while he was home. If i had known! I felt very sad and upset for her. I am still his best friend and he is mine but i cannot in all sense do this to someone else. I know he has a pattern but i never though that he would do this to me again. He has told me on several occasion how much he loves me and misses me and i have said the same thing. I am crush and i cannot believe i have become the other woman. I feel utterly guilty that this was done, i do not know if he does this to me only or ... i dont know. I do not want to be blame for anything and i do not know if its my fault. He has been the love of my life but am not able to feel this guilt i feel now. Should i say something to the other woman or just leave it alone and walk away?
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I'm in a relation that took all of my being. Right now I'm a miserable empty shell. A gloomy faded shadow of whom I once was. All the joy is drain out of me. At first I was the character of #3, changing always to please him. Honestly, I don't remember he ever doing anything personal for me. I said, "for the children I will hang in there". But my cheater spouse continue to cheat and turned and accuse me. Now I desire my freedom because I want to be free to find me. Please can someone help me.
Ive been with my ex for 6 years and engaged to him for less than a month. He has cheated on me twice before. After he proposed in mid jan he had an affair, his third this time. He says he needs to clear his head and has been nice but I know it's all lies. He's still in contact with the other person who is also attached with someone. They deserve each other and I'm counting down the hours which is tomorrow for him to move out and eventually out of my life forever
Thank you for this article. I have just found out my "new" husband was cheating throughout our entire relationship. He was cheating entering a relationship. he was going to Asian Massage Parlors for years and paying a lot of money for extras. He never disclosed this. So he entered into a relationship with me doing this and never stopped. He was also still in contact with his ex girlfriend who he labeled a "psycho stalker". So you would think he would not be in contact with her.. Nope he was the whole time. So I have spent hours and hours trying to figure out why someone would enter into a relationship knowing he will not be committed and then enter a marriage. It sickens me. I only wish I had found out before marrying him. This article is great because I am so tired of hearing men cheat because the wife is not providing sex or intamacy. That is a cop out and an easy excuse to make. This man entered into a commitment fully aware of what he was doing. Why bother ? The funny thing is, is that he was the one pursuing me right from the beginnning. I wasnt sure I wanted to first live together, he convinced me. Then wasnt 100% on board with getting married but he was the one pursuing. I only wish I followed my gutt instinct. So bottom line I really believe there are just men out there that are going to cheat no matter what you do, they are just cheaters. They are immature and have no business entering into a marriage or relationship knowing this. Thank you,I think this article is 100% true
Aya_Hajime 3 years ago
Very nice hub Kate. I agree with you wrt. the mistakes, but I also believe that a person can do a lot to keep a relationship interesting and rewarding, and reduce the likelihood of cheating. I think that the decision one has to make is how much work you want to put in to the relationship, to make it work. Also, there are different types of cheating. Some cheating is more about sexual exploration, while others involve greater emotional attachment.